Dragging my suitcase, I wandered aimlessly on the streets that were now scarcely populated. My heart was filled with melancholy. I never thought that in Xuzhou, the city that raised me, I would experience a day where I had nowhere to go. I couldn't help but question myself: Was my choice really worth it?

 

I dared not delve too deep into this question. Whether it was worth it or not, I had already made my choice, and going back to Suzhou to help Le Yao resolve the crisis at the bar had become inevitable.

 

That night, I found a small inn near the train station to stay in, but I couldn't sleep. In my sleepless clarity, I tried to control myself from overthinking, but the image of Li Xiaoyun still occupied all my thoughts. Although our love affair only lasted a few months, I really couldn't bear to let go. In her, I found the sense of security that a man also needs.

 

I don't know how long it took, but I finally lit a cigarette for myself. By the time I finished smoking, the corner of the morning sun had already appeared outside the window. Dawn had arrived, but the wind was still so cold!

 

***

 

Morning arrived, but I had no appetite. With my resignation letter already written, I arrived at the company in a daze.

 

As I was about to enter the elevator, Li Xiaoyun also came from another direction. We met face to face, each standing in front of an elevator. I watched her from the crowd. Her eyes were still a bit swollen, probably from crying all night. Compared to me, her pain was no less.

 

I made my way through the crowd to the elevator that Li Xiaoyun was waiting for. I stood next to her and called her name, but she ignored me. At that moment, the elevator arrived, and Li Xiaoyun stepped in before me. I followed her in.

 

The crowded elevator pushed Li Xiaoyun and me tightly together, but in our silence, our hearts had already drifted apart.

 

During the elevator's ascent, I tried several times to strike up a conversation with Li Xiaoyun, but I didn't know how to start. After a long time, I finally asked, "Have you had breakfast?" Li Xiaoyun just gave me a cold glance and didn't respond. She maintained this coldness until we walked into the company together.

 

I finally stopped Li Xiaoyun. She looked at me coldly and asked, "What?"

 

From my understanding of women, this kind of coldness was a sign of a dying heart. So, after a long silence, I said, "Let's have lunch together today. I think we need to talk."

 

"Sure, I also think we need to talk." Li Xiaoyun said, shaking off my hand and heading towards her office.

 

I watched her retreating figure, standing in a daze for a while before heading to the director's office. My only purpose was to submit my resignation letter with an apology.

 

***

 

Despite Director Zhou's strong persuasion, I was determined to leave. In the end, he reluctantly approved my resignation. Since I still had several ongoing projects, it would take about a week to complete the handover. This week would be my last days in Xuzhou.

 

At lunchtime, Li Xiaoyun and I sat across from each other in a small private room in a restaurant downstairs from the company.

 

The atmosphere was as heavy and oppressive as I had expected. I felt guilty towards Li Xiaoyun and didn't speak for a long time. Finally, Li Xiaoyun asked, "Did you give your resignation letter to Director Zhou this morning?"

 

"Yes."

 

"How long will it take to complete the handover?" Li Xiaoyun asked, seemingly trying to maintain her composure.

 

I replied softly, "About a week."

 

Li Xiaoyun's expression turned painful, and she couldn't hold back her tears. She cried and said, "Zhao Yang, is your heart made of iron? From yesterday to today, you've denied everything and pushed me into the abyss. Have you considered my feelings, or my family's feelings? They entrusted their daughter's future to you…"

 

I bowed my head in silence, filled with guilt. But at this moment, any words seemed pale compared to changing the outcome.

 

Li Xiaoyun looked at me with hateful eyes, making me feel even more fearful and guilty. After a long time, I said softly, "If you're willing to wait, I can come back to Xuzhou."

 

"Come back to Xuzhou? If it was for a man, maybe I would be willing to wait, a year or half a year is nothing. After all, I'm only 25, I can wait. But you're doing this for a woman. How do you expect me to wait?" Li Xiaoyun questioned through her tears.

 

"Le Yao and I are really just friends, it's not as complicated as you think." I defended.

 

"Really? Can you honestly say that nothing happened between you two? Don't treat others like fools. Why didn't she ask someone else for help, why did she ask you, Zhao Yang? And you're willing to leave your home, abandon your fiancée to help her. Can this still be a normal relationship between a man and a woman? Tell me!"

 

Faced with Li Xiaoyun's questioning, I was at a loss for words. Although there was no romantic relationship between Le Yao and me, we had indeed slept together during the most decadent period of my life. Could such a relationship be called pure?

 

My silence made Li Xiaoyun even angrier. In her anger, I saw the expression of a broken heart. She took out the engagement ring we had bought together some days ago from her bag, placed it in front of me, and said, "Zhao Yang, let's break up. Let's pretend we never knew each other."

 

I looked at Li Xiaoyun, her lips trembling. I was trembling too, but in the end, I couldn't say a word to keep her, because it was too futile.

 

"You can keep the ring…"

 

Li Xiaoyun scoffed, "What, you feel guilty? Zhao Yang, the money for the ring was from your parents. Now that we're breaking up, you have no right to give me the ring."

 

A sharp pain pierced my heart. I understood the hidden meaning in Li Xiaoyun's words and remembered the embarrassment when I first returned to Xuzhou. It was Li Xiaoyun who saved me from my embarrassment. Perhaps leaving Xuzhou would mean returning to the days when I had nothing.

 

"I'm sorry." I finally said to Li Xiaoyun.

 

Li Xiaoyun said to me resolutely, "You don't have to apologize to me. I'll just consider these past few months as a disaster in my life. I just hope that in the future, Zhao Yang, you won't give another woman hope and then destroy it with your own hands…" After saying this, she picked up her bag and walked out of the private room.I sat there in a daze, staring blankly at the engagement ring Li Xiaoyun had left behind. In an instant, I felt as if my life had been pierced through, full of holes… Perhaps there would come a day when I would regret the choice I made today.

 

***

 

After work in the evening, homeless as I was, I returned alone to that shabby little motel. I bought some beer to distract myself from the loneliness and frustration.

 

When I was somewhat dizzy from the alcohol, I received a call from Le Yao. I didn't want to talk at all at that moment, so I hung up immediately and sent her a text message: "If you have something to say, text me."

 

Le Yao quickly replied with a text: "I'm still in Xuzhou, I want to have dinner with you… I'll treat you!"

 

In my dizziness, I sent another text to Le Yao: "I've already eaten. You should go back to Suzhou tomorrow. I need to hand over my work. I'll be there in a week."