Leaving the noodle shop, I walked alone on the deserted streets in the deep night, feeling waves of uncontrollable depression. At this moment, I had made my decision, but Li Xiaoyun’s reaction was more intense than I had imagined, as if my decision had touched her raw nerve.

After all, which woman could bear her fiancé quitting his job to go to another city for another woman? In fact, Li Xiaoyun had already shown her restraint by not making a scene.

I took out a cigarette from the pack, smoking it with a sense of decadence. Waves of guilt for Li Xiaoyun surged in my heart, but I wouldn’t change the decision I had already made. This time, no matter what, I had to help Le Yao through her difficulties, for the slap she had once taken for me…

Taking a deep breath, I put out the cigarette, took out my phone from my pocket, and sent a message to Le Yao: “I’m going to quit my job tomorrow and head to Suzhou after handing over my work.”

Le Yao quickly replied: “Thank you, Zhao Yang. I knew you wouldn’t abandon me.”

“Um… Can you sleep soundly now?”

“I don’t want to sleep now. I want to talk to you on the phone, to hear your voice.”

I looked at Le Yao’s message with bitterness. At this moment, I was giving her a sense of security, but what about Li Xiaoyun? She must have been deeply hurt by my decision…

Before I could reply to her message, Le Yao called me directly. I stared blankly at the flashing screen of my phone due to the incoming call, but in the end, I didn’t answer it. I hung up the call and sent Le Yao a message: “I’m a bit tired today. I want to rest. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Before Le Yao could reply, I turned off my phone. Then, with a weary soul, I dragged my heavy body and continued to walk on the cold streets, as if I could never see the end…

…

When I got home, it was already late at night. I thought Mr. Ban and my mother had already gone to bed. I gently opened the door, but they were both sitting in the living room, both looking rather upset.

My heart tightened. Had they already found out about what had just happened between Li Xiaoyun and me? According to my understanding of Li Xiaoyun, she wouldn’t tell her parents about my plan to quit my job and go to Suzhou just yet.

Before I could take off my shoes, my mother asked in a deep voice, “Zhao Yang, why is your phone off?”

I made an excuse: “Maybe it’s out of battery.”

“Did you have a fight with Xiaoyun?”

“No.”

My mother questioned, “Tell me the truth, did you or did you not? Xiaoyun’s mother just called and said that Xiaoyun started crying as soon as she got home and locked herself in her room. She won’t open the door no matter how much we call her.”

Guilt once again filled me. I stood there for a long time, not knowing how to respond to my mother’s words. If she knew the truth, she might find it even harder to accept than Li Xiaoyun.

But I couldn’t just leave Xuzhou without a word. They would eventually find out the truth. As for the terrible consequences, I might as well bear them all today.

I finally gathered the courage to say to my mother, who was waiting for my answer, “Mom, I’m planning to quit my job in Xuzhou and go back to Suzhou, for a friend…”

Before I could finish my sentence, my mother’s face turned extremely ugly. She cursed angrily, “You bastard, no wonder Xiaoyun… no wonder Xiaoyun… tell me, what the hell are you trying to do with all this nonsense? Are you tired of living a good life?”

Seeing my mother’s incoherent anger, I felt even more guilty. I kept my head down and said nothing, but my silence only provoked my mother’s anger further. She said angrily, “Zhao Yang, I’m telling you, no matter what your reason is, you have to stay in Xuzhou and marry Xiaoyun into our family. Otherwise, I’ll disown you.”

I, who had been spoiled by my mother, had never heard her say such harsh words to me. The overwhelming pain pierced me, and for a moment, I wavered, willing to let Le Yao down and stay in Xuzhou, because I was afraid to defy my parents.

But in the end, I gritted my teeth and said, “Mom, I know this decision will hurt many people, but I still decide to do it because I have no other choice. I hope you and dad can understand… If there was any room for choice, I wouldn’t leave Xuzhou. I have no choice…”

“Zhao Yang, now that you’re grown up and we can’t control you anymore, we can’t make decisions for you. You want to leave? Then leave now, get out of this house. We’ll pretend we never had a disobedient son like you,” my mother said, trembling with anger and pointing at me.

I looked helplessly at Mr. Ban, hoping he could say something for me, but he remained silent, even wooden. I knew my decision had truly hurt them. Otherwise, my always good-tempered mother, my always doting mother, would never say such harsh words to me.

I didn’t try to explain anything for myself anymore, because no matter how I explained it, from my parents’ perspective, it was foolish and wrong. I finally lowered my head and went into my room, then started packing my luggage.

…

I dragged my luggage out of the room and said to Mr. Ban and my mother, “Dad, Mom, I’m leaving. I’m sorry for what I’ve done wrong. I don’t dare to ask for your forgiveness. I just hope you’ll take care of yourselves. I’ll come back to see you when I have time.”

“Zhao Yang, by leaving like this, are you being fair to Xiaoyun, to me and your father?” my mother said, her voice choked with tears.

My heart ached. This decision was even harder than when I had to tell Mi Cai about Mi Zhongde’s power conspiracy, but it was also more helpless. I didn’t expect to be forgiven, I just hoped that time would quickly dilute the aftermath of this decision and then free me. As for now, the only thing I could do was to endure the pain of this decision.I lowered my head in silence, determined to leave. At this moment, Mr. Ban, who had been silent all along, finally spoke, “Let him go. His heart is not in Xuzhou, nor is it with Xiaoyun. Sooner or later, he will leave.”

I looked at Mr. Ban in surprise, unsure where his words were coming from. If it weren’t for Le Yao’s great difficulties, I really had no intention of returning to Suzhou.

In my confusion, I suddenly remembered a dream I had a long time ago. In the dream, I asked a woman with long hair falling over her shoulders why she was the woman in my heart, yet I couldn’t get close to her. She said, “Because you don’t understand what your heart really wants.”

Mr. Ban’s words strangely echoed this dream. Could it be that my heart really wasn’t in Xuzhou, but in Suzhou where I had always longed for someone or something?

Mr. Ban lit a cigarette and said to me, “You’re my son, I know your temper. Once you’ve made a decision, we can’t persuade you otherwise. You and Xiaoyun are not engaged yet, don’t keep this good girl waiting any longer. It’s better to part on good terms…”

My mother, pulling at Mr. Ban, emotionally said, “Old Zhao, how can you say such things? We can’t just let him do as he pleases. If he misses out on a good girl like Xiaoyun, he’ll regret it for the rest of his life.”

Mr. Ban shook his head and said, “It’s better to end things with Xiaoyun now than after they’re married. I can’t bear to see him ruin this good girl. Let him go, let him walk his own path.”

My mother looked at Mr. Ban in shock, while Mr. Ban, his expression filled with exhaustion and dejection, waved at me, signaling me to leave…

I lowered my head and said, “I’m sorry,” before finally dragging my suitcase towards the door. I had no idea what kind of life awaited me after this night, but I knew that the peaceful days with Li Xiaoyun had come to an end in a daze.

Thinking of Li Xiaoyun’s goodness, my nose felt a bit sour. If she was willing to wait for me, I could return to Xuzhou after helping Le Yao and strive for a peaceful life with her again. But would she be willing to wait? Would she?