After entering the room, since there was no private bathroom and we were both resigned to just making do for the night, neither Mi Cai nor I bothered to wash up. Dressed neatly, she lay on the bed while I sat on a wooden chair. Under the dim light, we sat in silence facing each other.

 

"If you want to smoke, go ahead."

 

I looked at Mi Cai. It seemed like the first time she was willingly accommodating my desire to smoke, but ironically, that made me even less willing to harm her with secondhand smoke.

 

To completely rid myself of the urge to smoke, I crumpled up the pack of cigarettes and tossed it into the trash can beside me.

 

"Why did you throw away your cigarettes?"

 

I didn't answer her directly, instead I said, "Aren't you tired? You should rest early."

 

"What about you?"

 

"I'll sleep after you fall asleep."

 

Mi Cai looked at me, hesitating as if she wanted to say something.

 

"What's wrong?"

 

"I need to use the… bathroom. Would you come with me?"

 

"Uh… I need to pee too. Let's go together."

 

***

 

The hallway was pitch black, not even a light to guide the way. I used my phone's flashlight as we walked side by side toward the communal bathroom.

 

Finally, we arrived at the public restroom. I handed my phone to Mi Cai and said, "I'll go in first, just wait here for a moment."

 

Mi Cai nodded.

 

I opened the door and went in, only to find the place reeking from someone's vomit. The stench made me nauseous, and I quickly finished my business.

 

I didn't even bother to fasten my belt before coming out and said to Mi Cai, "It's too dirty inside. Let's ask the landlady if there's another bathroom."

 

Mi Cai handed the phone back to me, saying, "If you can use it, so can I."

 

I wanted to stop her, but she had already entered the restroom and closed the door behind her.

 

Due to the inherent disadvantages women face, Mi Cai spent twice as long in that disgusting restroom as I had, and I couldn't help but worry about her.

 

Finally, Mi Cai came out covering her nose, retching.

 

I gently patted her back, sighing with a mix of reproach and sympathy, "Why put yourself through that? It would have been better to find a tree outside the inn to hide behind than to endure this filth!"

 

Mi Cai shook her head and walked briskly ahead. I quickly followed her, and we both returned to our room, relieved. She lay back down on the small wooden bed, and I sat on the chair.

 

After the ordeal, Mi Cai seemed to have lost the urge to sleep, staring blankly at the ceiling.

 

I finally said to her, "Now you understand the helplessness of the poor. Even though we're forced to stay here tonight, long-haul truck drivers often have to stay in places like this. I've been through this too many times because I wasn't born with the fate to stay in luxury hotels."

 

After a while, she replied indifferently, "I don't want to hear this."

 

"Then go to sleep. After tonight, you won't have to go through this anymore. You can go back to being yourself."

 

Mi Cai ignored me, turning her body away from me.

 

I tucked in my coat and then reached out to turn off the room's light. I lay down on the desk, hoping to fall asleep quickly, but half an hour passed and I was still wide awake, perhaps because the bench was too hard, or maybe I had too much on my mind.

 

I sat up as quietly as possible, opening my eyes to face the darkness.

 

She whispered to me, "Zhao Yang, can't you sleep?"

 

"I'm not tired. Why aren't you asleep?"

 

"I'm not tired either."

 

"Try counting sheep. One sheep, two sheep, three sheep… You'll get sleepy."

 

"Why don't you count?"

 

"I don't like counting sheep. I prefer counting dinosaurs."

 

"Then count dinosaurs."

 

"They're extinct… I'm used to insomnia. You should sleep."

 

After a moment of silence, Mi Cai's tone became serious as she asked, "If we'd just died in a car crash, would we be in another world now?"

 

"Do you hope there's another world?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"I hope there isn't."

 

"Why?"

 

"I worry that another world might be even more artificial. Better to disappear cleanly."

 

Mi Cai fell silent.

 

After a long silence, I asked, "Are you afraid of dying?"

 

"Yes. Are you?"

 

"If I say I'm not, would you believe me?"

 

Mi Cai thought for a moment and said, "Yes. That's why you're so reckless in everything you do. And there's nothing scarier than death in this world."

 

"Of course, there are things scarier than death."

 

"Like what?"

 

"Unrequited love… If sincerity could be met with sincerity, many mistakes wouldn't happen."

 

"Are you talking about us?"

 

"No, it's a general statement. It applies to love, friendship, family, teacher-student relationships… all kinds."

 

I thought for a moment and added, "Sometimes two people genuinely want to treat each other sincerely, but differences in worldviews, values, and social status mean they express their sincerity differently, and in the end, two sincere hearts can't connect and end up stranded."

 

"This time, you're talking about us, right?"

 

"Maybe."

 

***

 

As the night deepened with our conversation, I finally yawned.

 

"If you're uncomfortable sleeping there, come to the bed."

 

"I'm afraid I'll make a mistake…"

 

"You're not afraid of death, so why fear making a mistake?"

 

"Death only harms oneself, but mistakes hurt others."

 

"Since you're so aware, you won't make a mistake with me. How can you sleep well in a chair? Get some rest."

 

With a clear conscience, I lay down next to Mi Cai, still clothed.

 

In the darkness, she curled up in my arms like a cat lacking security and softly asked, "Zhao Yang, are we really breaking up?"

 

"I'm just a meteor, never able to give you diamonds… We're both immature in love, making repeated mistakes… It all started with impulse and should return to reason. Although it's late, we can still turn back. If we reach a dead end, the pain will be unbearable."

 

"Maybe you're right. That's why we were so happy before we got together… Sometimes being friends is much happier than being lovers…"

 

***

 

Since Mi Cai lay in my arms, the night became peaceful for me. I didn't feel the urge to possess her body; perhaps because her beauty seemed too unreal, or maybe because I truly loved her…

 

The next day, I woke up to the blinding sunlight, and Mi Cai was no longer by my side. She had left a note on the bedside table.

 

"Yang, I don't know if we're broken up now, but I still want to tell you: I'm willing to stay in such small inns with you, to experience the life you've lived. I understand your concerns, that you still love me, and that we've both loved in the wrong way… I'm going to America for two months… During these two months, I hope you'll be happy, waiting for my return… Oh, and my assistant is waiting for you outside the inn. When you wake up, go find her. She'll take you back to Xitang. Lastly, I wish your inn great success!"

 

I read Mi Cai's note over and over, asking myself: Is there really such a thing as fate? A car accident led to a heart-to-heart conversation, shattering my facade of indifference.

 

How ridiculous of me! Clearly in love, how could I pretend not to be in front of her, who's so astute? She saw right through me.

 

I took a deep breath, pocketed the note, and looked out the window, thinking, "I'll see you in two months then… But why the sudden trip to America?"

---

Proofreader & Editor: Peter Pan