I started the car and turned on the low beams, instinctively wanting to glance back at her sitting in the back seat. Yet, I had to maintain a nonchalant demeanor as if we had just broken up. Any inadvertent display of concern could be taken as evidence that I still loved her. But all I wanted was to end this chapter of our story with an air of indifference.
I exhaled softly and finally stepped on the accelerator, heading away from Xitang.
The night had completely enveloped the earth, and I drove at breakneck speed, eager to end this torment of saying one thing and feeling another.
After about forty minutes, the oppressive silence, stiffer than the darkness, became too much to bear, and I turned on the car's music player. A familiar melody began to echo through the cabin.
A few songs later, the sound system played Junzi's "Winter Solstice." My thoughts drifted back to last year's New Year's Eve. I remembered Mi Cai had learned Junzi's "Vernal Equinox" and "Start of Autumn" for the "Fifth Season" New Year's event, but she had not learned "Winter Solstice."
It seemed she must have grown fond of Junzi, which is why she had that out-of-print album "Vernal Equinox. Start of Autumn. Winter Solstice" in her car.
"Why are there so many walls, the long roads only seem to grow longer?"
I got lost in the lyrics, and in a daze, I thought about the path I had taken, including love and career…
It seemed that over the years, I had been struggling to climb over walls erected by reality. No matter how hard I tried, after scaling one, I would find an even higher wall awaiting me. Gradually losing strength, I had harvested too much helplessness and complaint.
Distracted, I took a curve and forgot to alternate between high and low beams to signal the oncoming car. I quickly switched to low beams, but the other vehicle didn't change its lights. Blinded by the glare, I instinctively braked hard, slowing down the car.
Before my vision could recover, the car shook violently. Accompanied by Mi Cai's scream from the back, the airbag on the steering wheel deployed, hitting me squarely in the forehead.
***
It took a long while for the dizziness to subside and my vision to clear. That's when I realized the car had crashed into a tree by the roadside, which was now snapped in half.
A wave of fear washed over me. If it hadn't been for the Q7's superior safety features and powerful brakes reducing the speed at the critical moment, the consequences would have been unthinkable.
I quickly unbuckled my seatbelt, opened the door, and ran to the back, calling out Mi Cai's name. I couldn't be sure if she had fastened her seatbelt. If not, the impact…
I didn't dare to continue the thought. My hands trembling, I opened the back door and let out a sigh of relief. Mi Cai was buckled in, but she looked dazed.
In a panic, I asked, "I'm sorry, are you okay?"
It took her a long time to shake her head.
"Try moving your limbs gently to see if you're hurt anywhere."
Mi Cai moved her hands and feet slightly and finally said, "No."
My heart settled, and I suddenly understood why Mi Cai was so terrified—it was a car accident that had claimed Mi Zhongxin's life. She feared car accidents more than most.
Filled with both heartache and guilt, I unbuckled her seatbelt and carried her out of the car.
She clung to my hand, and I gently held her in my arms, repeatedly apologizing and assuring her, "We're okay now."
Once Mi Cai had calmed down a bit, I used her phone to call for help.
About half an hour later, the tow truck arrived at the scene, and Mi Cai, as the car owner, registered the necessary information.
Before leaving, the rescue personnel told us there was a highway motel about 500 meters ahead. If we weren't in a hurry, we could stay there for the night.
The night was deep and impenetrable. The tow truck had been gone for nearly fifteen minutes before Mi Cai and I finally calmed down from the shock.
I asked her, "Do you want to stay at the highway motel?… Or should we wait here and see if any cars are passing by to Suzhou?"
"I'm tired."
I nodded, then bent down to let her climb onto my back, and carried her to the highway motel up ahead.
She wasn't burdened by the so-called breakup, and like before, she lay on my back. I gently supported her, using the lights from passing vehicles to navigate along the roadside trees toward the motel.
***
After about fifteen minutes, we finally saw the highway motel the rescue personnel had mentioned. It was a very old establishment. The ground in front of the motel was pitted from the constant pressure of heavy trucks, and the air was filled with the smell of gasoline and diesel.
This made me feel even more guilty, as Mi Cai probably had never stayed in such a low-quality motel.
Pushing the door open, I carried Mi Cai into the motel. A plump middle-aged woman was sitting at the reception desk, knitting while watching TV.
I set Mi Cai down, signaling her to sit in a corner chair, but she didn't move away and stood by my side instead.
I took out my ID card and said to the middle-aged woman, "Hello, do you have any rooms available?"
"None left."
"None at all?"
The woman replied impatiently, "Didn't you see the trucks parked outside? A convoy came in tonight, and we're fully booked."
I persisted, "Please, can you think of something? There's nowhere else for us to go."
Finally, the woman looked up at Mi Cai and me and said, "There really are no rooms left. If there were, why wouldn't I want to do business?"
I took out a hundred yuan from my wallet and placed it on the counter, "Please, think of something."
The woman pocketed the hundred yuan, thought for a moment, and said, "Well, there is a room that my daughter used to stay in. She's at university out of town, and it's been vacant for a while. There's no bathroom inside; you'd have to use the communal one. If you don't mind the poor conditions, you can stay there."
I looked at Mi Cai for her opinion, and she nodded.
I took out another hundred yuan and handed it to the woman, who waved it off, saying, "No need, the money you gave earlier is enough." She then took out a key from the drawer and gestured for Mi Cai and me to follow her.
***
After walking down a narrow corridor, we arrived at the room the woman had mentioned. She opened the door for us to enter.
I thought for a moment and said to Mi Cai, "You go in and stay. I'll just make do on the sofa in the lobby for the night."
The woman looked at me quizzically, probably thinking we were a couple and it was natural for us to share a room.
Mi Cai looked at me and after a long silence said, "I'm scared to stay alone."
The woman had already turned on the light and said to me, "The girl says she's scared, and you, a young man, shouldn't be so squeamish. Besides, if you sleep on the outside sofa, I don't have an extra blanket for you… It's just for one night, just deal with it. If it's really inconvenient, I'll bring a chair for you to sleep on the chair."
I looked at Mi Cai again; she still had a frightened expression, clearly still shaken by the car accident.
Finally, I nodded to the woman and said, "Then please bring a chair."
Proofreader & Editor: Peter Pan