Tongzi looked at me, puzzled. "What's up, Brother Yang?"
"Give me her room number. I'm going to find her."
"Room 3 on the second floor."
I nodded, feeling a slight relief, knowing that Jian Wei was on the first floor, which meant they chances of running into each other were significantly reduced.
But then I thought, Mi Cai and I have already reached such a desperate point in our love, what does it matter if we run into Jian Wei? At this point, am I still afraid of adding fuel to the fire?
I grabbed the cigarettes and lighter I might need later and headed to the second floor under Tongzi's watchful gaze.
***
I stood at the door of room 3 for a long time, unable to muster the courage to knock, afraid of the silence that would follow our meeting.
As I looked down at my toes, the door gently opened, and the familiar, comforting scent wafted into my nostrils.
I looked up, dazed, at her.
"Why come here and not knock?"
Caught off guard, I blurted out without thinking, "How was I to know if you were asleep?"
Mi Cai watched me, reaching out to touch my face. Instinctively, I stepped back, avoiding her hand.
Her hand hung in the air, and with a saddened expression, she lowered it again. "What happened to your face?"
"I bumped into something."
"Does it hurt?"
"No, it doesn't."
Mi Cai tucked her hair behind her ear, falling into silence. I knew this was her subconscious act of discomfort, just like when I touch the tip of my nose.
After a while, she finally said, "Come in and sit down."
I hesitated but followed her into the room. She sat on the bed, and I took a chair opposite her.
"I'm going to smoke, if you don't mind?"
Mi Cai shook her head, indicating it was fine.
I immediately lit a cigarette for myself, and after taking a puff, the tightness in my chest eased slightly. Finally, I looked at Mi Cai and said, "Wei Ran came to see me this morning."
"I know."
"He said a lot to me… some things, I think, weren't entirely wrong."
"What did he tell you?"
"…Let me just tell you what I think after hearing all that… I feel it's quite nice to stay here in Xitang, running a small inn. I've never been ambitious, and we were never meant to walk the same path."
"That's not what you said when we decided to be together."
"Who can predict the future? Which couple doesn't make grand promises? Does it mean they'll end up together?"
I spoke each word with conviction, but my heart felt as if it was being repeatedly slashed with a knife.
Tears fell from her face, and I watched without turning away. Having made up my mind, I was prepared to endure the pain of the consequences.
For the first time, the pain was so evident on her indifferent face. She finally choked out, "…But without you… I will miss you! …You've already entered my heart."
I remained silent.
"Zhao Yang, the meteorite you gave me, I never saw it as dangerous, always as a perfect diamond… Imagining setting it in a ring, waiting for the day… the day you would marry me… But today, you tell me it's a meteorite, not a diamond, this feeling… it really hurts… If you truly think I shouldn't be in your life, just tell me to break up… I'll never appear in your world again."
I opened my mouth several times but couldn't bring myself to say the words "break up."
After a long time, I finally gritted my teeth and said, "The words 'break up' shouldn't come from a man's mouth. You say it."
"I won't say it… I don't want to."
Seeing her on the verge of losing control, the taut string in my heart finally snapped, yet I still refused to step closer to her, because I knew that what seems wrong is often closest to the truth.
Although I loved her, it was futile, because the gap between us was too great. If we only sought temporary happiness, we might ruin each other's lives—hers especially. Being with me meant living amidst criticism and grievances, and it could even affect her control over Zhuomei. Wei Ran had made this very clear to me before.
I suddenly calmed down and said to her, "Let's break up. Don't come to Xitang anymore. I live well here, peacefully, by myself."
Mi Cai looked at me, her eyes no longer brimming with tears, even calmer than mine, perhaps because I had uttered the words "let's break up."
I smiled, "See how good and easy this is… We live in the real world, not in some melodramatic Qiong Yao drama. Why make it so heart-wrenching? You know, there are plenty of people who sleep together one day and say goodbye the next!"
Mi Cai:"So, you're someone who can take it so lightly. I didn't understand you well enough… I hope you live well in Xitang."
"Don't worry, I'm best at making myself happy."
Mi Cai looked at me, and I smiled at her again. She didn't respond, picked up her handbag and a small suitcase from the bedside cabinet, and walked out of the room.
I followed her footsteps out to the front desk, where I told the drowsy Tongzi, "Charge the lady's stay as a short-term room, and refund her the excess."
"What's up, Brother Yang?"
"Just refund it."
Tongzi glanced at Mi Cai and then at me, finally taking out a hundred yuan from the cash register and handing it to me. I took it and handed it back to Mi Cai.
Mi Cai took it from my hand, clenched it tightly, and walked out of the inn without looking back.
Suddenly, the inn's clock struck eleven, and I realized something, following her out.
"Wait… It's late, stay in Xitang tonight, and leave tomorrow morning after a good rest."
"What emotions should I stay with in Xitang?"
I didn't know how to respond, but I was more worried about her. Finally, I plucked up the courage to say, "If you must go, I'll drive you back to Suzhou."
"If you want to drive, then drive."
"Give me the car keys." I said, reaching out to Mi Cai.
She took the car keys out of her bag and handed them to me. I took them, then went back inside the inn to tell Tongzi I wouldn't be back tonight and to take good care of the inn. Though Tongzi was puzzled and sleepy, he generously supported my decision to go to Suzhou.
***
The moonlight was so beautiful this night, the temperature so perfect, not at all reflecting the sadness that should accompany our parting. But my heart was still heavy, because as she was about to leave, I saw her eyes, barely holding back tears, in the wind.
I struggled to contain the emotions crumbling inside me and finally opened the car door, saying to her, "Get in, we'll be back in Suzhou soon."
She nodded but didn't open the passenger door, instead sitting in the back. That was fine; she wouldn't see my sad face all the way.
Proofreader & Editor: Peter Pan