Proofreader & Editor: Peter Pan
Pressing my hand against my forehead, I let out a heavy sigh before speaking to Le Yao again, "Give me my phone."
Le Yao shook her head firmly, "Let's stop the bleeding first." After saying that, she pulled me and started walking out of the inn.
I followed Le Yao's steps out of the clinic mechanically, but my thoughts were trapped inside me, unable to be released. So much so that I didn't even feel the pain when the disinfecting alcohol was applied to my wound.
Amidst the heaviness of my thoughts, I remembered the song "The New Tenant" that Mi Cai and I used to tease each other with.
In the end, we were just birds caught in each other's sights, unable to touch each other's feathers. We kept saying "hello" to each other, but the response was often "sorry to disturb."
So, we were both wrong, but where did the root of the mistake lie?
Perhaps it was a spur-of-the-moment thing, or maybe it was just a chance encounter from a thousand miles away that plunged us into the vortex of emotions, creating our own troubles.
If, without those impulses, I remained his landlord, and she my tenant, wouldn't that have been better?
At this moment, I couldn't give myself an answer. Maybe, from that night when I imposed the title of tenant on her, the gears of fate had already started turning between us.
***
After leaving the clinic, my mood hadn't changed, but now there was a piece of gauze on my face to stop the bleeding, and half an hour had stealthily slipped by. Yet Xitang remained the same, as if nothing had ever happened.
Sitting on the steps by the riverbank, Le Yao finally turned to me and asked, "What exactly happened just now?"
"I got beaten up."
"It's always you beating others, who could have beaten you?"
"You make it sound like I'm invincible!"
"I don't care, next time he bothers you, you have to win!"
"Winning or losing doesn't mean anything. Stop being childish."
Le Yao smiled softly, "Being childish is just my way of hoping you'll be happier."
I looked at Le Yao and impulsively asked, "What if I just become someone who waits for the night, welcomes the day, and thinks of nothing else, would that be okay?"
"Wouldn't that make you a vegetable?"
I fell silent, feeling a tinge of disappointment. It seemed that pursuing a simple, carefree life meant degenerating into a vegetative state.
Le Yao leaned closer to me, "Zhao Yang, I'm really happy that you're opening up and sharing your thoughts with me."
"Didn't I talk to you before?"
"Before, all you did was scold me and say you wanted to… well, you know. You never said anything else!"
"Are you trying to tell me that I'm just a scumbag?"
"But after you scolded me, you still took care of me and showed concern when I needed it. And about the other thing… it was just once, and you were drunk… You're not as bad as you think. In fact, I think you've matured a bit. At least now you have the desire to strive for something, that's why you took over this inn!"
"Is that so?"
Le Yao nodded affirmatively, "Yes… I've been filming in a remote mountain area recently, where there wasn't even electricity. The villagers' entire lives revolved around their small plots of land. Their leisure activity was sitting on the ridges, chatting away. But I think they're happy. I've also come to understand some truths. All human suffering stems from taking oneself too seriously, from wanting to satisfy those elusive desires within, like love. Once it doesn't match the fantasy, it becomes painful… In reality, love is just a pastime after one's basic needs are met. It's not something to take too seriously!"
I pondered Le Yao's words and realized it was the same principle I had understood: "If the heart doesn't move, there's no pain." But why did I still feel pain despite this understanding? It must be because I couldn't let go of my desires. These persistent desires, when gathered together, formed a dark net that blocked out the sky, preventing me from ever seeing that crystal-clear city again.
Finally, I said to Le Yao, "If I had the chance, I'd really like to throw myself into that mountain village without electricity, sitting on the ridges every day, looking out over the fields and the scarecrows!"
Le Yao smiled, "You'd have to bring along a pack of Zhongnanhai cigarettes."
"Right, that's something to remember."
Le Yao's smile as she hugged my shoulder seemed to bring her joy at having guessed my thoughts.
I smiled back at her, then stared blankly at the willow fluff drifting across the river. Perhaps due to visual fatigue, my world flickered between light and dark. I seemed to see a burning torch, which then extinguished. In the dimness of the world, I gradually lost the desire to call Mi Cai. As for that love, once it disappeared, I remembered it but didn't want to bring it out to reminisce or chew over again.
***
The persistent wind seemed to dry out my scars, and I sat by the river with Le Yao for a long time.
Much later, she took out a bank card from her handbag and handed it to me, "Zhao Yang, there's a hundred thousand yuan on this card. Use it to renovate the inn."
I nodded, taking the card from her hand without saying thank you, feeling that our relationship shouldn't be burdened by those two words.
Le Yao caressed the scar on my face and whispered, "I'm leaving today, at noon."
My heart felt like it lost its support in an instant, and I subconsciously held her hand, "Didn't you say a week?"
"One of the actors in the crew has to go abroad for an awards ceremony, so the director has urgently scheduled a few scenes."
I realized my overreaction and quickly let go of Le Yao's hand.
But she gripped my now-loosened hand again, "Don't forget your ambition to make the inn a national chain. I'll support you all the way."
"This time, I'll use all my strength to manage the inn well."
"Mm… After I finish filming the current scenes, I'll come back to Xitang to see you."
Feeling so lost, I tentatively asked, "Can't you stay today?"
"I have to be back in Beijing before tonight because there are two night scenes, and everyone in the crew is already in place."
"Then have a safe trip."
Le Yao nodded, leaned against my chest for a long time, and then said, "Your heart is still beating, but it's empty."
"Maybe."
She opened my coat and kissed my chest through my sweater…
I looked at her, puzzled.
"I've planted a seed in your heart. If in a few years the rain nourishes you, remember to let this seed sprout and bloom."
It took me a while to respond, "If the rain ever graces this parched land again, the seed will surely sprout and bloom."
Le Yao nodded, stepped away from my chest, waved at me, then put on her sunglasses and mask, and walked alone towards the riverbank.
I watched her receding figure for a long time, feeling a warm drop on the back of my hand. It was a tear she had left before putting on her sunglasses.
Or perhaps it was that seed that had never taken root in my heart…