Proofreader & Editor: Peter Pan
After bidding farewell to Circle that night, I went to the bank to check the balance on my card. Le Yao had efficiently transferred ten thousand yuan to me, providing a temporary safeguard for my life.
I withdrew two thousand yuan from the card and checked into a roadside inn with my luggage.
In the shabby room, my life seemed to be divided by a boundary line: before yesterday was a false splendor, and today I am desolate and alone.
But I gradually stopped feeling the pain because I had experienced too many similar days and had become numb. At this point, I no longer believed anything in life could hurt more than the days following my breakup with Jian Wei.
My phone was now without a SIM card. This strong act of self-isolation didn't make me feel lonely; on the contrary, it gave me a sense of security because I wouldn't be disturbed by false hopes anymore.
***
The next morning, I went to the south bus station and bought a ticket to Xitang. It took just over an hour to reach this ancient town, a place I had visited many times before, but that was years ago. It held the memories of a fleeting time with Jian Wei, and I vividly remembered that it was here she gave herself to me for the first time.
It seems that not just Jian Wei and I, but many couples have slept with each other here, then broken up, and returned to heal their heart-wrenching wounds. So, in my view, this small ancient town is the most contradictory place in the world, carrying both the frivolity of youth and the melancholy of deep-seated pain.
If I could choose, I would rather have never come to this contradictory place, for I've lived with enough contradictions. To me, every street and storefront here is like a frivolous bamboo pole, ready to strip away that last shred of my dignity.
That's why, in the years since breaking up with Jian Wei, I never chose to come here to heal. But now, since I'm already stripped of my dignity, I might as well face these deeply painful sorrows naked and find the strength to break free and be reborn in the process.
***
At this time, it wasn't the peak tourist season in Xitang, but there were still some visitors lingering with admiration. Forgetting all my troubles, I followed the crowd along the winding alleys paved with bluestone until dusk.
I finally started looking for a place to rest, but the riverside inn where Jian Wei and I stayed had been turned into a bar, which left me feeling a bit lost as I stood alone in the afterglow of the setting sun.
As the sky darkened, I refused the solicitations of pimps and walked the streets alone, searching for an inn to my liking. After a while, I stopped at the end of the street because in front of me was a peculiar inn. I sized it up; the sign only read "Inn," so it was a nameless establishment, and hanging below the sign was a guitar without strings as decoration.
I chuckled to myself, finding these two details reason enough to stay, and walked in with my backpack.
The reception area of the inn was small, with a makeshift desk serving as the bar. The owner was a man in his thirties wearing a military coat and smoking a cigarette, lacking the vitality of youth and appearing somewhat indifferent.
I approached him and asked, "Boss, do you have any rooms available?"
"Yes."
"How much for a single standard room per night?"
"150."
"It's the off-season for tourism, isn't 150 a bit much?"
He didn't look at me, extinguished his cigarette in the ashtray, and said indifferently, "150, no bargaining!"
I was a bit annoyed but really liked the place, so I patiently asked, "What if I stay for a month? Any discount then?"
He finally glanced at me and said, "If you're staying long-term, you can find someone to share a room with. Just split the cost between the two of you."
Surprised, I realized he was suggesting I share a room, which would mean less profit for him. He didn't seem like a swindler, just a man with a personality, or else he wouldn't have hung a stringless guitar at the door.
"Is there someone to share with now?"
He nodded, then went to a room in the back and brought out a young man around twenty-three or twenty-four years old, bespectacled and with a face full of acne.
He asked the acne-faced guy, "He's planning to stay long-term too. Do you want to share a room with him?"
The acne-faced guy sized me up and asked, "You're not a bad guy, are you?"
I chuckled, "Right, I'm the bad guy. So, are we sharing or not?"
He grinned and said, "Sure, it'll save me a lot on rent, and I can stay in Xitang longer."
The innkeeper gestured for me to hand over my ID card for registration. I pulled it out of my wallet and handed it to him, then asked the acne-faced guy, "Are you here for a romantic encounter or to heal a broken heart?"
He laughed shyly and said, "I'm still a virgin!"
"So you're waiting for a romantic encounter, right?"
"As long as I'm not a virgin anymore."
I couldn't help but laugh inwardly. I had just arrived in Xitang and already met a quirky roommate, but that was a good thing. After all, it's not tiring to be around someone who's honest and a bit naive.
After registering my information, the innkeeper handed back my ID card and said, "Just give Tong Haizhou (the acne-faced guy) 1500 yuan."
I immediately counted out 1500 yuan from my wallet and handed it to Tong Haizhou, saying, "Nice to meet you, I'm Zhao Yang."
Tong Haizhou took the money without counting and put it in his pocket, grinning at me, "Nice to meet you, Brother Yang."
I returned his smile, patted his shoulder, and said, "Show me to our room."
"Welcome, Brother Yang, to grace our room."
I straightened up and followed Tong Haizhou to his room.
***
The room was a double standard with an old desktop computer, an air conditioner, two beds, a few cabinets, and nothing else. Compared to the careful decoration of other inns, this place was lacking, but it didn't matter. For me, it was all about the mood.
I tossed my backpack into a cabinet and lay down on my bed, while Tong Haizhou hugged his laptop and watched a TV series.
Out of boredom, I struck up a conversation with him, "Haizhou, are you still in school?"
"Yeah, but I'll graduate this June, so I'm taking the chance to travel while I still have time."
I nodded, not finding anything else to talk about, and fell silent.
Suddenly, Tong Haizhou put down his laptop, looked at me seriously, and asked, "Brother Yang… have you ever slept with a woman? What's it like?"
"Are you some kind of pervert?"
"Brother Yang, don't get me wrong, I'm just really curious because I'm still a virgin!"
I thought about it and realized that I was also very curious about sex when I was in high school, often discussing it with classmates. It seems to be a man's nature, no wonder women call us "dirty men."
I gave Tong Haizhou an understanding smile and said, "Why don't you just go to a prostitute and find out?"
"I'm still a virgin, I'd know if I went, but it feels like a loss to my heart. Better to wait for a romantic encounter."
"You have principles… But I've never slept with a woman either."
"Wow, so you're an old virgin! "
"Sigh… yes."
Tong Haizhou looked at me with sympathy and finally said, "Brother Yang, I think you're quite handsome. How can you still be an old virgin? That's not scientific!"
"Am I handsome?"
Tong Haizhou nodded vigorously.
"You think I'm handsome because you're too ugly. I'm not really handsome."
"That's true, I'm too ugly, so ordinary women don't like me!" He said, looking dejected, and took out a pack of cigarettes, offering one to me and lighting one for himself.
I lit the cigarette and consoled him, "Don't be depressed. Aren't you still a virgin with me?"
Tong Haizhou nodded repeatedly, "Right, thinking about it makes me feel better. No wonder I felt close to you when I first saw you. We're both virgins, so sad and lamentable!"
After a bit of self-pity, he asked me again, "Brother Yang, what type of woman do you like?"
I was bored anyway, so I continued to chat with him, "Big breasts, round butt. What about you?"
"I've been fantasizing about a woman lately, really like her."
"Who?"
"Le Yao!"
I was immediately choked by the cigarette I had inhaled, and after a while, I asked, "You know her?"
"I don't know her, but she's a celebrity, right? The palace drama she's been in recently is so popular… I even follow her Weibo, refreshing it every day, waiting for her updates. Honestly, the photos she posts on Weibo are stunning! And I've noticed she looks even better in modern clothes than in period costumes!"
I finally realized: Le Yao really wasn't the same Le Yao from before! Then I coldly said to Tong Haizhou, "Don't fantasize about her anymore, got it?"
"Brother, have you fantasized about her too?… But you can't control fantasies, and I'm definitely not the only man fantasizing about her. You can't stop everyone!"
Tong Haizhou made a logical argument, leaving me speechless.
After a while, he sighed, "Ah! If I could just talk to her once, I'd be willing to live ten years less!"
"You keep fantasizing. I'm going out to find some food."
"Brother Yang, wait, I'll go with you."
"Do you still need to eat? You can live on fantasies alone!"
Tong Haizhou grinned again, put his hand on my shoulder, and said, "Brother Yang, you're really funny, but there's a benefit to eating with me."
I was curious and asked with a smile, "What benefit?"
"After we eat, I'll take you to see a super beautiful girl by the Xitang River… Almost every night at 8 o'clock, she sits by the river for a while, and it's been over a week!" He sighed again, "She's so beautiful! Really, so beautiful!"
I doubted his taste and asked, "Who's more beautiful, her or Le Yao?"
Tong Haizhou thought for a moment and replied, "They're not the same type. If I had to compare… well… it's hard to say, but they're both goddesses!"
Seeing his struggle, I became genuinely interested. After all, men like to look at beautiful women, especially in a place full of chance encounters like Xitang, which only intensified my desire to see this beauty. I thought to myself: Maybe there really is a woman in this world more beautiful than Mi Cai and Le Yao! After all, the circle I'm in is limited, and the women I've met are limited too!