Proofreader & Editor: Peter Pan

As soon as I stepped into the elevator, Jian Wei followed right behind. I remained silent, enduring a pain that felt like being torn apart.

 

"Zhao Yang, I know this approach hurts your pride, but…"

 

I cut Jian Wei off: "But I'm just a pile of useless mud that can't stand on its own, incapable of making money. It was true years ago, and it's still true now."

 

"Can't you stop belittling yourself?"

 

"Isn't that the truth?"

 

"No… I think you don't know yet: the 'Shattered Life' theme you proposed has been officially adopted in the planning. Now, all the plans are revolving around this theme!"

 

I frantically pressed the elevator button, and before the doors fully opened, I walked out. The recent series of events had made it difficult for me to calmly listen to someone else.

 

Jian Wei grabbed me again, almost choking up as she said, "Zhao Yang, can you not be like this? I just want you to have a better life. I'm scared to see you struggling so hard."

 

My emotions surged, but I remained silent, finally pulling my hand away from Jian Wei and said coldly, "If you really wanted me to have a better life, you wouldn't have broken up with me without giving any reason three years ago…"

 

***

 

Leaving the office building where Si Mei Advertising was located, I once again felt that emptiness of being all alone. Where could I go now?

 

I had no face to return to Xuzhou, as I was even more down and out than the last time I went home. I couldn't expect Mr. Ban and my mother to rescue my shattered life again.

 

Suzhou was suffocating, every second of it, and I couldn't wait to escape.

 

Beijing, Beijing had Robben and Le Yao, but subconsciously, I wanted to find a place where no one knew me, to be alone and quiet.

 

But now, I didn't even have the money for a short trip. Once again, I was trapped in this real-life cage, feeling so oppressed I was going crazy!

 

In desperation, I finally called Le Yao, and after a moment, she answered.

 

"Zhao Yang, why are you suddenly calling me?"

 

"…Lend me some money."

 

"What! Weren't you just promoted to the bourgeoisie yesterday?"

 

"Do you know? I'm just a clown being played with!"

 

"Who's playing with you?"

 

"If you don't want to rub salt into my wounds, then please don't ask, okay?"

 

After a pause, Le Yao asked, "How much do you need?"

 

"Ten thousand."

 

"That's not much, what can you do with it?"

 

"I'm starting a journey alone. Isn't ten thousand enough? Then lend me twenty thousand."

 

"Ten thousand is enough. With twenty thousand, you might stay away for too long. You'll eventually have to come back and live in the world you hate."

 

I sighed and after a long pause, said, "You're right, just lend me ten thousand."

 

"Okay, tell me where you're going?"

 

"It doesn't matter."

 

"But it matters to me!"

 

"How should I take that?"

 

"I'm your creditor; I need to know your whereabouts to prevent you from absconding with the money!"

 

"What a ridiculous reason!"

 

Le Yao insisted firmly, "I don't care, if you don't tell me where you're going, don't expect me to lend you the money!"

 

"Is it fun threatening me?"

 

"If you don't say it, I'm hanging up!"

 

"Such a nuisance!" I complained, but in my heart, I pondered where to go. Finally, I told Le Yao, "Xitang, I'm going to the ancient town of Xitang for a month."

 

"Why Xitang?"

 

A patchwork of memories circled in my mind, but I didn't want to tell Le Yao why I was going to Xitang. I just said, "Stop asking so many questions. If you don't want to lend the money, just hang up."

 

"Lend, lend, lend, send me your bank account number, and I'll transfer the money right away."

 

"Okay, thanks."

 

After ending the call with Le Yao, I sent her my bank card number via text message. Then I called Mr. Ban to tell him I was going to Guangzhou for a while and might change my phone number, and I would contact him later.

 

Then I decisively pulled the SIM card out of my phone, snapped it in half, and threw it into the trash can. In an instant, my world became quiet.

 

***

 

In my last dozen or so hours in Suzhou, I went to four places. First, I smoked two cigarettes by the moat, then I treated Xiao Pudgy Wei Xiao to a KFC meal, and after that, I went back to the old house and sat alone on the wooden horse outside the convenience store. Lastly, I arrived at the base of the Zhuo Mei building.

 

Around 6 p.m., Zhao Li finally came out after work, and I returned the keys to the Alto "Little Prince" car to him.

 

Zhao Li asked in confusion, "Zhao Yang, are you leaving Suzhou again?"

 

"Yeah, otherwise I wouldn't bear to return the car to you."

 

"It's almost falling apart!"

 

"It's just a bit dirty. Wash it and wax it, and it'll be as good as new!"

 

Zhao Li shook his head with a smile, "You're still as tricky as ever!"

 

"This time I'm not. I've filled the tank for you."

 

"Really?"

 

"Feel free to check."

 

"Alright, I'll trust you this time."

 

I smiled but subconsciously looked up at the giant billboard on top of Zhuo Mei, feeling it was time to leave. I didn't want to encounter Mi Cai after work with pain and awkwardness. At this moment, I felt we shouldn't appear in each other's worlds, as the city in my sky had collapsed, so I couldn't fantasize about being with her.

 

***

 

Walking towards the back building of Zhuo Mei, I unexpectedly saw Circle and Mi Lan sitting at the window of "Seaview Coffee" as I passed by. Circle noticed me right away, but Mi Lan didn't because her back was facing me.

 

Circle gestured to Mi Lan to wait and then came out of the coffee shop to meet me.

 

He handed me a cigarette and asked with a smile, "Are you here waiting for President Mi to get off work?"

 

In the calmest tone, I replied, "No, we've broken up."

 

Circle looked incredulous.

 

I smiled again and said, "You never thought much of us, did you?"

 

"I didn't expect it to end so soon!"

 

"It was bound to happen one day. The reason it was quick is that there were some external catalysts… In fact, I understood years ago: Love without material security is just like loose sand. The tighter you hold it, the faster it falls, the harder it breaks."

 

Circle fell silent with a sigh.

 

I took a deep drag on the cigarette, glanced at Mi Lan sitting in the coffee shop, and asked, "How come you're mingling with her for fun?"

 

"It's the relationship between superior and subordinate, inevitably we need to discuss some work matters, and incidentally enjoy this place's coffee."

 

I had no desire to learn more about Zhuo Mei, patted Circle on the shoulder, and said, "Buddy, I'm off."

 

"Where are you going this time?"

 

"A place with memories, where I can rest."

 

"When will you be back?"

 

As I walked away, I said to Circle, "I'll come back after I've repaired that city… If I can't fix it, I won't come back!"

 

"You're still talking nonsense…!"

 

I didn't respond to Circle because he never believed that there was a city hidden in the sky!