The moment I stepped out of the villa, the suffocating heaviness that had been pressing on me suddenly disappeared, but the sense of humiliation lingered, wrapping around my heart.

After walking along the asphalt road outside the villa for a while, I finally saw a taxi and left immediately.

On the way to the city, I felt empty, as if I couldn’t see the future, let alone how to deal with my relationship with Mi Cai. I understood that we had both underestimated the pressure of real life at the beginning.

I suddenly felt that I deserved it. Mi Cai had never experienced love, she didn’t understand the enormous pressure love faced under the gap of social status. Didn’t I understand that? But even so, why did I still choose to go all in? Perhaps deep down, I still yearned for that crystal clear city, yearned for a love that was not tainted by worldly dust.

After arriving in the city, I went straight to the station, planning to take a car back to Suzhou, but then I received a call from Mi Cai. I hesitated for a moment, but eventually answered.

“Zhao Yang, where are you?”

“On my way back to Suzhou.”

“…I’m sorry, Mi Lan shouldn’t have made you leave, but… she was targeting me, not you. Don’t be angry, okay?”

“You really don’t need to comfort me. She’s not targeting you, or me, but poverty. Don’t you think I look so unbearable among your relatives and friends? I made you lose face in front of your family!”

“You saying that makes me really sad!”

I fell silent, the bitterness in my heart deepening. Even if I felt wronged, I shouldn’t vent it on Mi Cai, this poor woman. Finally, I softened my tone and said to her, “I will try my best, for you, and for myself… Be happier, the rest, time will tell.”

……

In the afternoon, I returned to my old house in Suzhou. The first thing I did was to take off the Burberry suit I was wearing, then I lay on the sofa, repeatedly smoking in the confusion of not seeing the future, completely ignoring the hunger from not having lunch.

I asked myself, why am I so miserable?

Because I love her, otherwise I would have given up this relationship without any burden, and just go back to my old life, at least I would be free.

But I couldn’t let go, so the only thing I could do now was to turn all the grievances and inferiority into motivation to strive, to create a career of my own, so that I could face life and those who once looked down on me with my head held high.

The sky outside the window had darkened, and I finally cooked myself a bowl of instant noodles. After eating it tastelessly, I fell into a panic of having nothing to do. But I didn’t want to drown my sorrows in a bar, so I chose to take a walk to relieve my depression.

I didn’t set a destination for myself, but instinctively walked to the city moat. Perhaps this place had become my only shelter in this city, and I needed to find some comfort and solace here.

As I lay on the withered lawn, enjoying the spring breeze, my heart gradually calmed down, and then I fell asleep with exhaustion.

It wasn’t until I felt someone pushing me that I woke up from my deep sleep. I opened my eyes groggily and found Jian Wei sitting next to me.

She smiled and said to me, “Zhao Yang, we meet here again.”

I sat up from the grass, habitually took out a cigarette from the box and lit it before saying, “I come here often recently, but you come less.”

“I’ve been too busy at work lately, but I still come here occasionally.”

“Oh… What about Xiang Chen, doesn’t he accompany you?”

“He’s busier than me, he’s been in Shenzhen for several days.” After a slight pause, she asked me, “Have you been troubled a lot recently?”

I let out a heavy sigh and smiled helplessly, “Yes.”

“Did you have a fight with Mi Cai?”

“It’s about work.”

I didn’t want to discuss this topic with Jian Wei too deeply, so I changed the subject and asked her, “Did you really take gasoline to A Ji’s piano shop last time?”

Jian Wei was taken aback for a moment, then laughed, “The bucket was filled with water, I was just trying to scare him.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, “You really scared him silly, I never knew you had such amazing acting skills!”

“It has nothing to do with acting.”

“Then what does it have to do with?”

Jian Wei pursed her lips, but didn’t answer, so the two of us fell into silence.

About five minutes later, Jian Wei suddenly walked towards the river bank. I thought she had to leave for some urgent matter, but she took out a guitar case from the trunk of her car, then took out the guitar and walked back to me, standing in front of me.

I looked at her in confusion and asked, “What do you mean?”

“I’m not returning your guitar, I just hope you can play a song with this guitar.”

I didn’t respond to Jian Wei immediately, just looked at the guitar, some parts of which had turned white from my sweat. Suddenly, I felt a strong sense of familiarity.

So, I finally took the guitar from Jian Wei’s hands and asked her, “What song should I play?”

“Tears, Fan Xiao Xuan’s Tears.”

I recalled the song, figured out the chords in my mind, felt it was okay, then nodded to Jian Wei, and strummed the strings of the guitar, playing the song “Tears”.

I thought it was a solo performance, but to my surprise, Jian Wei also started singing along with the accompaniment.”If youth has an ageless face, I hope it never changes. Many dreams are woven too beautifully, only to be met with disillusionment. Falling in love with you is the happiest thing, yet it also brings the most painful sorrow. The bitterness intertwined with the sweetness of love, I can never learn… ha… oh tears, tears are my experience of growing up. Oh tears, holding back tears so you won’t see, I’m changing, the feeling of loneliness, you never noticed, there are tears in my laughter, oh tears, tears flow through the silent night, the taste of heartache, oh tears, wipe away the tears and forget everything, the past affection, tears are bitter, tears are sorrow, tears are you, tears are sweet, tears are yesterday, tears don’t cry…”

The singing gradually stopped, but I could hear the distinct emotions in Jian Wei’s performance, especially the line “Falling in love with you is the happiest thing, yet it also brings the most painful sorrow…”

Gradually, I too was immersed in this lyric, unable to extricate myself, because for us, it was a summary filled with great irony.

Lost in thought, Jian Wei suddenly made a move that caught me off guard. She snatched the guitar from my hands and without a moment’s hesitation, threw it into the bottomless moat.

Watching the guitar bobbing with the waves, my heart churned with an unbearable pain. Yet, Jian Wei smiled at me through her tears, “Perhaps this is the best ending!”

The body of the guitar began to take on water, and it was about to sink to the bottom of the river and be completely destroyed. All my rationality collapsed in an instant. I took off my down jacket, climbed over the railing, and plunged headfirst into the bottomless moat.