I was gazing at Mi Cai, and my heart, which had been silent in love for years, was throbbing. I was speechless for a long time. On the bustling street, I lit a cigarette for myself, turned my head to look at Mi Cai’s reflection in the shop window, feeling a bit dazed, as if I was dreaming.

I exhaled a long puff of smoke, heading straight towards Mi Cai. She didn’t avoid it, still looking at me with the same expression as before.

I just held the cigarette in my hand, didn’t take another puff, smiled and asked Mi Cai, “Do you know what I’m thinking?”

“I don’t know.”

“If time could freeze here, and then we suddenly aged, with drooping eyebrows and white temples, we would help each other cross the road, huddle by the fire for warmth, and if I still had the strength, I would play the guitar for you to sing… But we are only 26, no, just turned 27, and there is a long way to go. I am the shorter leg, unable to match your long leg, so we will limp all the way…”

Mi Cai didn’t speak, but she must understand the meaning of my words. She is so smart.

I flicked off the long accumulated ash, took a deep puff, let the smoke painfully circulate in my lungs before exhaling, and said with a smile, “I admire your beauty, like your every frown and smile, but these are not as solid as falling in love with your wrinkles in old age, so…”

Mi Cai interrupted me, she returned my smile, “Zhao Yang, I want to hear you sing, right now…”

I looked at her puzzled, the cigarette in my hand had already burned to the end, scalding my hand, and I quickly threw it away.

“I want you to sing ‘Elope’… Will you sing it for me?”

Looking at her expectant expression, I couldn’t muster the will to refuse. I nodded and started singing softly in the bustling crowd.

“…I dream of true love and freedom, want to elope with you to the farthest town, want to elope with you to be the happiest person, in the familiar foreign land I exile myself year by year, through flowers and thorns just for the land of freedom, in the city of desire you are my last faith, pure as a joyful light illuminating my heart, don’t be sad I see hope, do you still have the courage to leave with me, want to elope with you to the farthest town, want to elope with you, to be the happiest person…”

The lyrics seemed to tear open the most primitive desire in my heart. I couldn’t control myself, from a low voice to a hoarse scream, attracting many passers-by to stop and stand under the same street lamp with us, watching us…

“Zhao Yang, just like the song, if you yearn for true love and freedom, you will definitely go through thorns and flowers… I want to ask you, do you still have the courage to find the last faith in the city of desire and run to the farthest town with me?”

I looked around at the crowded crowd, feeling a bit dizzy under the various gazes. The world became dazed again. In my script, there was never such a scene at this time. What happened to Mi Cai? Even if she wanted to confess, it should be me, the man, who confessed first, not her, the fairy who fell into the mortal world…

I squatted down and signaled Mi Cai to come onto my back. Mi Cai didn’t hesitate, she bent down and lay on my back. I held her up, overcoming the resistance to stand up from the ground, then broke free from the crowd and ran towards the distance, but unexpectedly caught a glimpse of Li Xiaoyun standing in the crowd. Her figure gradually blurred with the murmuring voices until it disappeared.

…

Away from the hustle and bustle of the city, I carried Mi Cai to the ancient city moat. Unlike the city moat in Suzhou, the one in Xuzhou is more mottled and old, but also quieter.

I stopped, and Mi Cai also left my body. I bent over and gasped heavily. This journey not only released my madness and joy, but also brought a heavy burden to my body.

I lay on the withered lawn, and Mi Cai sat beside me. She took out a tissue and handed it to me.

“Thank you.” I took the tissue from her hand and wiped the sweat off my face.

A gust of wind blew, bringing the sound of firecrackers and the distant fireworks, and also plunged us into silence.

Mi Cai seemed a bit tired too, she lay down beside me.

I wanted to take out a cigarette from my pocket, but found that the cigarette box had been lost during the intense run just now. I was a bit nervous, but still followed my inner thoughts and said to Mi Cai beside me, “Wait for me… wait for me to rest for a while and… confess to you.”

“Um… do you want a cigarette? I can go buy it for you.”

“Yes, but it’s a long way to buy it, aren’t you tired?”

Mi Cai shook her head, “No, I can walk and rest, but don’t forget to confess to me later.”

“Okay, I’ll wait for you to come back.”

“Um, what kind of cigarette do you want?”

“Zhongnanhai with eight points.”

Mi Cai nodded and prepared to leave, but I called her back, “Wait…”

“What’s wrong?”

“Are you… nervous?”

“Nervous… So, I need to walk, and you need a cigarette.”

“You’re right, then you walk slowly, but you must come back.”

Mi Cai smiled, “Are you afraid of not being able to smoke, or afraid that I won’t come back?”

“I’m afraid you won’t come back. Cigarettes can always be bought. If you don’t buy them, I can buy them myself.”

“I understand.”

“Um, go ahead, come back with the cigarettes, with you, with my faith… no matter how long, I’ll wait for you.”

…

Mi Cai left, and I was the only one left in my world. So, with a bit of melancholy and a bit of loss, I sat up from the lawn and stared blankly at the rippling river.

I can imagine what might happen in half an hour, or maybe an hour from now.

Last year, when she was 26, I met her. She was my landlord, or you could say, my tenant. This year, at 27, she became my girlfriend, helping me to rediscover a faith I had lost for a long time.

But what am I feeling now? It’s hard to explain, but I know it’s time to strive. I don’t want to be the one holding her back, nor do I want her to accommodate me, supporting me as we move forward.

But how high do I need to reach to walk smoothly with her? I feel a bit lost, because I have no plans for my career at the moment. My thinking is still stuck on finding a stable job, which clearly can’t satisfy me anymore.

In a mix of joy and confusion, I received a message. It was from Jian Wei: “Zhao Yang, I’ve gotten the guitar back from A Ji. You’ll have to pay him back yourself.”

I knew that when Jian Wei saw A Ji, she probably found out that I had traded this guitar for another one to give to Mi Cai. That’s why she didn’t give A Ji the money. It’s understandable. If she had paid A Ji, then the Taylor guitar would have indirectly become her gift to Mi Cai. Isn’t that a dark humor?

I read the message over and over again, feeling as if the gears of fate were turning between us. When the guitar returned to Jian Wei, it meant that we had drawn a clear line between us, at least materially, erasing those deep-seated memories. On the same day, I started a relationship with Mi Cai because I liked her. Was this a coincidence or fate?

I hope it’s fate. If it’s fate, at least there are traces to follow. If it’s a coincidence, we can only drift uneasily in the waves of coincidence!