I got home at 10 p.m. Mr. Ban was watching TV, and my mom was playing mahjong with a few friends. Seeing me return, she quickly asked Mr. Ban to take her place and pulled me into the room. Closing the door, she asked with concern, “How did your chat with Xiaoyun go tonight?”
“It was okay.”
My mom expressed dissatisfaction, “Your answer is too perfunctory!”
“We just chatted casually.”
“Didn’t you express any intention of getting back together with her?”
“Is it appropriate to talk about getting back together right after I just got back?” I replied, feeling helpless.
My mom finally realized the inappropriateness and said after a while, “That’s true… But I’m just worried for you! By the way, did you two make plans to meet again?”
“It’s the holiday season, she must have relatives to visit. Let’s talk about meeting up when she has time.”
“Anyway, keep a close eye on her. I think Xiaoyun still has feelings for you. You can’t miss this opportunity again. Besides, her parents are really understanding. Even after what you did last time, they didn’t come to our house to demand an explanation. If it were any other parents, they would have made a big fuss!”
“I understand. You should go back to playing mahjong. Mr. Ban’s skills are not as good as yours. We can’t let him lose money during the holiday season.”
Ignoring my urging, my mom gave me a few more reminders before finally leaving. In fact, I could really understand her feelings. But when it comes to getting back together with Li Xiaoyun, I need to be extremely cautious. After all, I don’t know her real thoughts now. Moreover, it’s hard for me to get back to the state I was in when I was in Xuzhou. If I let her down again after getting back together, I would be worse than a beast!
After washing up, I lay in bed with nothing to do. I took out my phone and stared at it for a while, not knowing who to contact. I simply lit a cigarette and stared at the ceiling in a daze.
……
Around 11 p.m., my silent phone finally rang. I quickly picked it up from the cabinet, but was a bit disappointed. The call was from CC, not her as I had imagined.
I answered the phone, saying with a not-so-high spirit, “Happy New Year, CC!”
“Happy New Year, Zhao Yang.”
I smiled and asked, “How’s your stay in Beijing?”
“It’s fulfilling to be with Robben. But what’s going on with you… First, Le Dawan went to Lijiang, which is understandable since Mi Cai is back. But why didn’t she go to Xuzhou with you in the end and instead went to her uncle’s house for the New Year?”
Before I could answer, CC said, “Don’t say anything yet. What I’m most curious about now is the guitar. Jian Wei called me this afternoon and asked why you sold the guitar to A Ji, and why you lied to her before, saying that the guitar was taken to Beijing by me for Robben?”
I wanted to explain, but CC stopped me again, “Zhao Yang, don’t say anything. I think I might have figured it out… You gave Mi Cai a Taylor guitar before, which must have been exchanged with the guitar Jian Wei gave you, right?”
I denied, “No, the guitar I gave to Mi Cai was bought with the money I received from the bar opening.”
“Stop pretending. Most of the friends who came that day didn’t give any money. Even if you did receive some, how much could it be? The market price of the Taylor guitar for Mi Cai is nearly thirty thousand. Knowing A Ji, he wouldn’t let you owe him so much without you paying something. So, Jian Wei’s guitar was undoubtedly taken by you to exchange, otherwise, it wouldn’t have ended up in A Ji’s hands.”
I was speechless for a while, then finally said, “CC, your logical thinking ability is detective level!”
“You don’t need to flatter me. Anyone who’s not an idiot can figure this out… Mi Cai doesn’t know about you exchanging guitars yet, does she?”
“Don’t tell her about this.”
“Give me a reason not to tell her.”
“What reason do you need? You should understand that I gave her the guitar just to make her happy, with no other intentions. If she finds out about this, she’ll probably feel burdened!”
“How can you be sure that she will feel burdened instead of touched after knowing the truth?”
“CC, just stay in Beijing and stop meddling in our affairs, okay?”
“That’s not okay. Since Jian Wei has already called me about this, I have to get involved!”
“How are you going to get involved? Tell Jian Wei that I sold the guitar to buy one for Mi Cai?”
“Of course I can’t tell Jian Wei that!… But you really didn’t handle this well. If you didn’t have the money to buy it, you could have told Mi Cai, or asked us to lend you some. Why did you have to exchange that guitar?”
“If I told Mi Cai and let her pay in the end, what would be the point of giving her the guitar? Besides, A Ji really likes that guitar. Giving it to him is like giving it to the right person. As for Jian Wei… As for Jian Wei, if she cares about the guitar, I’ll find a way to redeem it.”
CC was silent for a while before sighing, “Ah… What can I say about you, Zhao Yang… If it were any other man, he would have used this to please a woman a long time ago. But you don’t want Mi Cai to know. It’s hard for her to know that you have feelings for her this way.”
I was a bit annoyed, lit a cigarette, took a deep puff before saying, “CC, actually, I’m also in a dilemma now, feeling conflicted and struggling…”
“Then tell CC about it. Tell me about your conflicts and struggles.””We’ve talked about this before, you’ve tried to persuade me, but there’s just too much pressure when I’m with her. Every time I think about my chaotic past, I feel so small in front of her. Misunderstandings between us are so easy to come about. For instance, a few days ago, when Le Yao was having menstrual cramps, I carried her upstairs, and she happened to see us. It took a lot of effort to clear up that misunderstanding, only for her to misunderstand me again the next day because of something related to Jian Wei… I want to explain to her, but love can’t be won through explanations, right?… Really, every time I think about causing her pain or making her sad, my heart aches as if it’s been cut by a blunt knife!”
CC fell into silence, and after a long while, she said, “Actually, I can understand your dilemma and struggle, but no matter which woman you’re with, there’s always a need for adjustment, right?”
“Yes, adjustment is necessary. The difference is, some people become more harmonious with adjustment, while others only feel more pain. Maybe there’s just no romantic fate between her and me… I’m not good enough for her, it’s better to let go, to free her and myself.”
“If you really think so, I won’t try to persuade you anymore. But you have to call her and tell her: you’re not good enough for her, there’s no possibility between you two, let her give up on you, and you two can part ways cleanly!”
“Are you kidding me? We’ve never even started anything, and suddenly you want me to call her and say all these things, won’t she think I’m crazy?”
“I’m telling you clearly now, she has hopes and expectations for you, Zhao Yang. If you tell her your true feelings, she won’t think you’re sick. On the contrary, it might be a relief for her.”
“CC… stop messing with me! I already look like a clown in her eyes, do you still want me to continue making a fool of myself?”
“If I don’t mess with you, you won’t see yourself clearly… You say your past is full of mistakes, but people don’t live for the past, do they…” CC seemed to lose her patience as she spoke, and her tone became more serious, “Alright, think about it some more. I’m going to call her now. The guitar issue has already involved Jian Wei, I have to let her know the truth!”
“Don’t call her… I can handle this…”
Before I could finish my sentence, CC had already hung up the phone. The “beep beep” sound caught me off guard!
———————-
Following some readers’ suggestions, I’ve set up a fan group on the computer site… On the computer site, readers who have reached the level of steward can join. To join the group, you need to provide a screenshot for verification, including your account and fan level. If you meet the requirements but don’t know how to take a screenshot, someone in the group will teach you.
This is my first fan group. I’ve never set one up before, so I’m being very careful. The admins in the group will strictly verify whether the requirements have been met, so please cooperate. It’s okay if you’re not a fan, and it’s okay if you don’t join the group. But please don’t join out of curiosity without meeting the verification conditions, as this will increase the workload of the admins. They all have jobs and are helping out voluntarily. (Note: To reach the steward level, you need to cast 500 VIP votes)
Group number: 335316450