I was sitting at the table, eating the meal my mother had prepared, while she sat across from me, keeping me company. Mr. Ban, as usual, was sitting on the sofa, watching TV.

The heart doesn’t hurt when it’s still, so I didn’t let my emotions affect my appetite, eating voraciously under the control of hunger.

“Zhao Yang, do you know how old you’ll be after this year?” My mother finally broke the silence.

“27.”

“Hmm, still not confused about life!”

I stopped chewing, looked at my mother, and after a while, said, “Mom, why do I feel like you always treat me like a fool? It’s okay on normal days, but is it appropriate on the first day of the New Year?”

“If you weren’t foolish, could you have done so many absurd things? Tell me, what should the life of a 27-year-old man look like?”

“Get married, have children, stabilize career, is this answer reliable?”

“It’s reliable, but look at yourself, does this eight-word phrase have anything to do with you?”

I shook my head weakly and said, “No… but since the second half of last year, I’ve been working hard following these eight words, you can’t deny that.”

“I won’t deny it, but you have to tell me the results of your efforts.”

“Mom, this isn’t something that can be achieved overnight, how can there be results so quickly?”

“No matter what I say, you always have a way to argue… I don’t want to nag you during the New Year, I just want to ask you one thing.”

“Ask, I promise to give you a reasonable answer.”

My mother nodded and said, “Tell me, after you finish the things in Suzhou, do you plan to return to Xuzhou?”

“This… I really don’t know.”

My mother’s face suddenly turned displeased, “You irresponsible child, I don’t expect you to wake up on your own, I’ll make this decision for you. I’ll give you two more months, after two months, you come back to Xuzhou… Your father and I will use this time to borrow some money from relatives and friends, help you pay the down payment for a house, and then you can stay in Xuzhou, find a job, and pay your own mortgage!”

“Mom, how can I let you and dad worry about the house? You’re both old, I really can’t bear it, even if I buy a house, I’ll figure it out myself…”

My mother sneered, “Figure it out yourself? Wait until the day when the house price in Xuzhou drops to two or three thousand per square meter, then I’ll consider whether you can do it.”

I was immediately disheartened, and I knew how clever my mother’s tactics were. She wanted to trap me in Xuzhou with a house. If I really bought a house and had a high mortgage, I would have to behave.

But what can I do? My unbearable years have completely made my mother lose faith in me. I’m such a failure that no one is willing to trust me anymore.

Mr. Ban, who had been silent all this time, finally spoke. He said to my mother, “I disagree with borrowing money to buy a house. He should solve this problem himself. We have fulfilled our duty as parents by supporting him through college.”

“Old Zhao, it’s not right for you to say that. Haven’t we been busy all our lives for our son? Buying him a house is not to spoil him, but to put some pressure on him, otherwise, he won’t know when to settle down.”

“Let him walk his own path. If you keep helping him and supporting him like this, he will never be stable in his life.”

“Old Zhao, how can you be so carefree? I tell you, our son has become like this, half of the reason is that you spoiled him. If you had been willing to discipline him more, he wouldn’t have broken up with Xiaoyun… such a good girl, it hurts me to think about it!”

I felt humiliated and was afraid that the two of them would start arguing about me on the first day of the New Year. I hurriedly said, “Mr. Ban, mom, please don’t argue, especially not about me, it’s really not worth it…”

Mr. Ban didn’t say anything, but my mother said angrily, “Zhao Yang, if you don’t want to see our family in chaos, you’d better settle down quickly.”

“Mom, just tell me what it means to settle down? Can’t I listen to you?”

My mother sat back down in her chair and said to me, “I’ll call Xiaoyun in a while, you two find a place to meet and chat tonight, see what Xiaoyun is thinking now.”

I felt helpless, and after a while, I said with a bitter smile, “Do you think I have the nerve to bother Xiaoyun?”

“Why are you, a boy, so shy? I’ll call Xiaoyun now. If Xiaoyun says she doesn’t want to see you, I won’t force you. If Xiaoyun is willing, you go out and meet her tonight.”

After my mother finished speaking, she didn’t give me a chance to speak and immediately took out her phone and dialed Li Xiaoyun’s number.

A moment later, the call was connected. After my mother said a few words, she handed the phone to me and said, “Xiaoyun wants to talk to you, see, a girl is not as coy as you!”

I was speechless. Of course, Li Xiaoyun didn’t need to be coy, because she had never wronged me, but I had wronged her.

I took the phone from my mother’s hand, my heart beating faster. I racked my brains for an opening line, but when I put the phone to my ear, I was completely silent, until I heard Li Xiaoyun’s voice, both strange and familiar.

“Zhao Yang, are you on the phone?”

“Um… this, that… I’m listening!” My first sentence was incoherent.

Li Xiaoyun laughed and said, “Did you become a stutterer in Suzhou?”

Being teased by Li Xiaoyun, I finally relaxed a bit, and then spoke in a normal tone, “No stuttering… Happy New Year, Xiaoyun!”

“Happy New Year.”

I fell silent again, because two people who had broken up couldn’t talk about the past or the future, and I really couldn’t find a topic.

My mother was giving me a look, and I was eager to break this awkward silence, so I simply let my mother have her way and finally said to Li Xiaoyun, “Are you free tonight? I’d like to invite you for a coffee.”

Li Xiaoyun laughed but didn’t say anything.

I hurriedly said, “If you’re not free, just forget it, don’t force yourself!”

“I’m free, but you have to tell me, are you coming empty-handed again, leaving me to pay the bill in the end?”Facing Li Xiaoyun’s teasing, I felt a wave of embarrassment and sadness. Looking back, Li Xiaoyun was indeed a great girl, accommodating my poverty and desolation from the first time we met.

After a long silence, I said in a joking tone, but with utmost seriousness, “Don’t worry, I’ve saved some money. As long as you’re willing, I can buy you coffee until you’re sick of it.”

“Alright then, eight o’clock tonight, same coffee shop.”

“Okay, see you at eight.”

……

After ending the call with Li Xiaoyun, I returned the phone to my mother. She looked at me approvingly and said, “That’s how a man should behave. Have a good chat with Xiaoyun tonight. A girl’s temper is just temporary. If Xiaoyun still has feelings for you, she will give you a chance.”

“Mom, don’t get your hopes up. This date with Xiaoyun tonight is entirely your doing. I guess Xiaoyun, like me, didn’t want to let you down, so she reluctantly agreed.”

“Whether Xiaoyun is doing this for my sake, I don’t care… I’ll say it again, if Xiaoyun is willing to forgive you, you should treat her well. If she has no feelings for you, Zhao Yang, I won’t force her.”

“Mom, your words are so wise and thorough!”

“Stop being sarcastic. Seize the opportunity tonight. I have some understanding of that girl from Suzhou. She’s not suitable for you, Zhao Yang. Stop dreaming about having the moon. You should get your heart back in place, understand?”

I felt a wave of annoyance and didn’t say anything more. As for Li Xiaoyun, I’d rather chat with her as a long-lost friend.

……

After enduring my mother’s nagging, I finally returned to my room to rest. Then I took out the engagement diamond ring I had given to Li Xiaoyun from my bag.

Staring at the ring for a long time, I made a decision. I planned to pawn this ring and then redeem the guitar Jian Wei gave me from A Ji.

It seemed absurd, but I’ve lived absurdly enough, and I don’t mind being absurd one more time. At least after this absurdity, I can fulfill my promise to Jian Wei and face her openly. In this way, it doesn’t seem so absurd after all.

—-