I put down the watering can in my hand, then sat on the small stool on the balcony. I took out a cigarette from my pocket and put it in my mouth without lighting it, then stared at the screen of my phone, waiting for Mi Cai’s reply.
“Oh, then answer my question after you finish watering.”
As expected, I couldn’t dodge the question. I took out a lighter, lit the cigarette between my fingers with a “pop”, then squinted my eyes in the smoke, scratched my head, and finally replied, “I’m puzzled, what does her reliability have to do with you?”
“It has nothing to do with me, I just don’t want to see you alone in Suzhou.”
Mi Cai’s high-sounding answer made me sneer, and I immediately texted her back, “Who isn’t born alone? The only ones accompanying us are the sun and the moon, and the wind that is sometimes cold and sometimes hot!”
“What about those flowers and plants? They are also accompanying you!”
“No, those so-called flowers and plants are just a cover to numb you, because they will wither one day, and in the end, you are still alone!”
“So how can one not be alone?”
“Loneliness is the fate of mankind.”
Mi Cai replied with a crying emoji, “……I don’t want to be alone!”
“Ah haha……we are born alone!”
“Zhao Yang, stop saying that, it’s really lonely to think about it!”
“What does your loneliness count for, at least there are so many people who like you, who are in love with you!”
“Is your loneliness very lonely?”
“I don’t know, but I’ve been so lonely that I slept in a bridge hole, listening to the honking of passing ships, saying goodnight to the vast city under the stars and the night!”
After sending this message, I took a deep puff of my cigarette, and remembered the days when I was penniless in Shanghai, waiting for Jian Wei who was trapped by her family. I really lived under a bridge, hugging that guitar playing lonely tunes.
So what does loneliness mean to me? It’s just a piece of code left after experiencing the years!
After a long time, Mi Cai replied to my message, “There will always be a woman who will accompany you forever, so that you will no longer be alone, and she will not be alone.”
I stared at this message for a long time, and countless brilliant images of being with this woman emerged in my mind. So I wanted to ask Mi Cai: Are you the woman who will always be with me?
But in the end, I only replied, “Tired, going to sleep!”
Mi Cai: “……”
After ending the WeChat conversation with Mi Cai, I lay on the bed, habitually lighting a cigarette, thinking about my thoughts. People are indeed lonely, like me and Jian Wei, who tried our best to be together after graduation, thinking that we were no longer lonely, but in the end we broke up, throwing loneliness to each other, but not willing to remember those days when we were not lonely together.
Sigh! Since life is so lonely, why stay in this world?
Thinking about it, I understand. After all, there is only one city in the sky, how can it accommodate all the lonely people.
I thought of Mi Cai again, if I had her company, could we comfort each other’s loneliness?
I think it’s possible. As long as I think of her by my side, even if we don’t say anything, don’t do anything, my heart is full, because her kindness and beauty have turned into warmth to drive away all loneliness.
……
Time moved forward another week, and now there were only 3 days left until New Year’s Eve. In the past week, loneliness has been with me all the time. Even Circle and his wife Yan Yan have already returned to Circle’s hometown for the New Year. As for Mi Cai, she hasn’t contacted me again. To be precise, I contacted her, but she didn’t reply, and of course I didn’t bother her anymore.
And last night, after a busy day, I took my loneliness to the city moat, but I didn’t meet Jian Wei again, so she has also left Suzhou.
For me at this time, Suzhou has become an empty city. In this empty city, there is a river full of loneliness. I jumped into it, swimming from the east to the west, back and forth, but there was no woman on the shore calling me, guiding me to the shore…
Now it’s ten o’clock at night. I walked out of the bar, took a deep breath as usual, rubbed my somewhat cold hands, then took out a cigarette, lit it for myself, and when I finished this cigarette, it meant that today’s work was over.
I had only taken two puffs when my eyes were suddenly covered by a pair of warm hands, and then I heard that familiar voice, “Zhao Yang, guess who I am!”
“Stop messing around…” I said and removed her hands.
Le Yao came around from behind me to my front, smiling at me and asked, “Surprised, Zhao Yang?”
Of course, I felt surprised, but I still kept calm and asked, “Why did you come back to Suzhou?”
“CC is with Robben, so I didn’t want to disturb them. Besides, you have to work until New Year’s Eve for the bar, how could I not come back to help!”
“Well, at least you have some conscience!”
“This is not conscience, it’s missing you. As soon as the crew had a break, I flew back without stopping.” Le Yao said, pulling my arm. She seemed to be in a much better mood than the last time she came back.
I put out the cigarette in my hand and also removed Le Yao’s hand from my arm.
Le Yao didn’t mind, she still asked me in her cheerful tone, “Have you eaten?”
“I’ll go back and cook some noodles.”
“You’re so pitiful!……Don’t eat noodles, I’ll treat you to a feast!”
I smiled at Le Yao and said, “You’re really showing off your newfound wealth!”
“I don’t mind showing off if I can have the honor of treating you to a feast.”
“Alright, prepare your money, I want to eat duck neck.”
Le Yao said with a speechless expression, “Look at your ambition……”
……
On the bench by the roadside, I held a bag of hot buns, and Le Yao was holding the duck neck for me. We sat close to each other.
I took a bite of the bun and then a bite of the duck neck, feeling that this was life, the life I hoped for. At least at this moment, I was not alone.
“Take a sip of tea, don’t choke.” Le Yao handed me the tea in her hand.
As I drank, I exclaimed, “This is the life of an emperor, being served by a big star!”
“I’m a female star, and I only admire you!””Damn… Are you making fun of me? What’s so admirable about a guy who enjoys gnawing on duck necks?”
“If you want, I’d be more than happy to join you in gnawing on duck necks!”
I opened the bag and saw only two duck necks left. I then joked with Le Yao, “There are only two left. Even if you want to join me, I’m not willing to share!”
Le Yao swiftly grabbed a duck neck from the bag and took a quick bite, then looked at me triumphantly.
I immediately took out my phone and snapped a picture of her holding the greasy duck neck, then asked her, “Do you care about your idol image?”
Le Yao nodded, “Of course, I’m both an idol and a powerhouse!”
I showed her the photo and laughed, “Considering your idol image, this photo could make a fortune if I sold it to some entertainment magazine!”
“Tch, your threats are getting worse!”
Le Yao said, wrapping her arm around my shoulder with the hand holding the duck neck, took out her phone and took a selfie with me, intending to post it on her Weibo.
I quickly stopped her, “Don’t, the entertainment circle is chaotic, I don’t want to be involved in any scandal with you.”
“Do you still think the photo you just took can threaten me?”
I quickly shook my head, “No, our competition is not on the same level anymore, have you been drinking brain tonics lately?”
Le Yao was taken aback, then smeared her greasy hand on my face, “Zhao Yang, you’re such a jerk!”
I dodged while sternly scolding her, “Stop it, or I’ll teach you a lesson!”
“Go ahead, go ahead…”
In the midst of our playful banter, the notification sound of my WeChat rang again. I knew it must be from Mi Cai, who I hadn’t contacted for several days, because I had set a ringtone reminder only for her messages!