In the midst of confusion, I was quickly thinking about how to answer Jian Wei. Regardless of our current relationship, the guitar was ultimately a gift from her. If I said I had exchanged it for another one, she would probably feel uncomfortable.

So I decided to lie to her, saying, “The guitar was taken to Beijing by CC.”

As expected, Jian Wei frowned and asked, “What is it doing in Beijing?”

I added another lie to my previous one, “Robben said he needed it.”

“If I remember correctly, you once told me that this guitar would accompany you for the rest of your life, and you wouldn’t let anyone else touch it.”

I lit a cigarette, also frowning, and said, “Why are you taking this so seriously? It’s just a promise about a guitar. Can’t you see that even the vows between lovers are often broken in the end?”

Jian Wei was left speechless by my words. This was a weapon to her. She must still remember the word “waiting” that she once wrote on the car window with lipstick, but she never fulfilled it with me.

In the silence between us, Jian Wei picked up her chopsticks and began to eat the fast food in the box. She didn’t say a word until she finished eating, and neither did I.

At this moment, I somewhat understood why it’s hard for ex-lovers to remain friends. If there are arguments, it means they can’t let go of the past. If they are happy, it proves that they are happy after breaking up, but the choice to be together in the first place seems so wrong and absurd.

Like the repeated silence between Jian Wei and me now, we might as well be strangers. Why bother meeting or spending time together?

……

After the meal, Jian Wei kept her promise and came to the bar with me. She became the resident singer, and her presence made up for CC’s absence.

Throughout, I didn’t go to the small stage to accompany her, but sat in the corner preparing for the New Year’s Eve event.

Time quickly passed to nine o’clock in the evening. After singing a few songs, Jian Wei came down from the small stage and sat across from me to rest.

I asked the waiter to prepare a glass of milk for her, and continued to focus on the event plan. Jian Wei didn’t say a word, and we silently continued our work until the notification sound of my WeChat rang.

I immediately stopped what I was doing and opened WeChat. It was indeed a message from Mi Cai.

“Zhao Yang, I’m up. The weather in Philadelphia is great today!”

I smiled and replied, “Who allowed you to change my surname? My dad wouldn’t agree!”

“Your dad, Mr. Ban, named you Zhao Yang in the hope that you could be like the morning sun, so I don’t think I got it wrong!”

“I won’t change my name or my surname. If I say it can’t be changed, it can’t be changed.”

After sending this message, I focused back on the event plan. Finally, Jian Wei spoke, “Zhao Yang, do you have a girlfriend?”

“What?”

“Is Mi Cai your girlfriend now? Have you two gotten back together?”

I finally looked up at Jian Wei, remembering that in her perception, Mi Cai and I had been on and off.

After a while, I replied, “I wouldn’t say we’re back together. We’re friends, I guess.”

“If I’m not mistaken, the person who just messaged you was her, right?”

I looked at her again, wondering how she knew the message was from Mi Cai.

“The smile you just had is the kind of smile a man has when he’s in love.” Jian Wei calmly solved my confusion.

So I smiled at her again and asked, “What about this smile?”

“It’s mixed with a hint of perfunctory indifference due to the passage of time.”

“Do I really not know how to hide my emotions?”

Jian Wei shook her head and replied, “It’s not that you don’t know how to hide your emotions, it’s that some emotions don’t need to be hidden.”

Just as I was about to respond to Jian Wei, another message from Mi Cai came in. So I temporarily put aside my conversation with Jian Wei and opened Mi Cai’s reply.

“I’ve never thought of you as someone who wouldn’t change their name or surname, so I’ve decided to call you Zhao Yang!”

“Fine, call me whatever you like. You’re in America now, I can’t use telepathy to stop you!”

After sending the message and putting my phone aside, I asked Jian Wei, “What were you saying just now?”

Jian Wei looked at me, shook her head, indicating it wasn’t a particularly important topic, then went back to the small stage to continue singing for the customers. It was then that I realized: I had neglected her because of Mi Cai’s message.

I immediately wondered, had my feelings for love really shifted?

I imagined another scenario. If Jian Wei had returned to China and hadn’t gotten together with Xiang Chen, and was still alone, what would my feelings be now?

As this scenario became more and more vivid in my mind, my heart started to stir. I thought: I can’t let go and forget, so this apparent letting go is only because there’s a Xiang Chen between us. I can’t do anything for that past love anymore, so I might as well learn to forget, learn to treat Jian Wei as a normal friend. And the fact proves that I’m almost there, so I should be happy for myself, and for Jian Wei. At least when facing Xiang Chen, I have a clear conscience!Jian Wei left the bar around 11 o’clock, and until closing time, Mi Cai didn’t reply to my WeChat message, probably because I made the topic too boring.

Back at my place, just as I was about to give up waiting for Mi Cai’s reply, she sent me a message: “You’ve finished your work for today, right?”

“Yes, I’m home now.”

“The weather has been dry lately, remember to water the plants on the balcony.”

“Okay, I’ll do it right away.”

I was watering the plants with a watering can in one hand and holding my phone waiting for Mi Cai’s reply in the other.

“Where are you spending the New Year?”

“Sigh! I can’t go back to Xuzhou, so I’ll stay in Suzhou.”

“Why can’t you go back to Xuzhou? Is your mother still mad at you?”

“It’s not that she’s mad, she said if I can’t find a girlfriend more reliable than Xiao Yun, I shouldn’t come back… Where am I supposed to find one? After all, there aren’t many reliable girls these days!”

It took Mi Cai a long time to reply to my message: “Then go find your Xiao Yun, after all, she’s so reliable in your eyes.”

I walked back and forth on the balcony with the watering can, but I couldn’t figure out how to reply to Mi Cai’s message. I vaguely sensed jealousy in her message, but I didn’t want to overthink it.

Unexpectedly, Mi Cai sent another WeChat message: “Why aren’t you replying?”

As far as I remember, this was the first time she asked why I didn’t reply. In the past, even if I didn’t reply to her message for a whole day, she wouldn’t ask. So, I was even more at a loss for how to reply.

After a while, I finally replied: “Because I’m watering the plants!”

Then I fell into anxious waiting, hoping that this excuse could get me off the hook.

—

Everyone, remember to check in. It’s beneficial for you because the lottery tickets you get can be used to draw K coins. Even if the book charges in the future, you can still read for a long time.

The so-called check-in is not just posting a check-in in the book review section. The check-in icon is under the author’s announcement. Just click on it.