I was still staring blankly at CC, my heart pounding even faster. But CC didn’t care about that, she was about to tell me about Mi Cai’s feelings for me.

I quickly made a gesture to stop her.

CC looked at me in surprise and asked, “What, you don’t want to hear it?”

I lit a cigarette for myself before saying to CC, “You can speak now.”

CC smiled and said, “You seem to care a lot about her feelings for you!”

“I’ve never denied that I like her,” I said, exhaling a cloud of smoke heavily.

CC nodded and said, “…Actually, she’s not sure what she feels for you either.”

I looked up at CC, a myriad of emotions welling up in my heart. It took me a while to finally say, “I know, that’s why she’s always been so distant with me.”

“She told me that when she can’t see you, she misses you, but when she sees you, she gets annoyed with you!”

I felt a mix of sweetness and disappointment in my heart, and finally laughed helplessly, “Go on.”

“She said: you would take her to race cars, let her be a motorcycle girl, ride electric horses… But she can’t resist these seemingly childish things…”

“She told you all this!”

“Of course, what are best friends for? From the style of our underwear to our feelings, and even current affairs, we can talk about anything!”

I blurted out, “So what style of underwear does she wear?”

CC gave me a look and said, “Be serious! Otherwise, we can’t continue this conversation.”

I straightened up and nodded.

“You men all see her as a goddess, but in fact, she’s just a woman with all the normal needs of a woman. She longs to be loved by a man, to be precise, she longs for it more than the average woman!”

I nodded in agreement. Often, people from broken families lack a sense of security.

CC continued, “But what about you? You probably haven’t completely forgotten Jian Wei. And you have a bad temper, you must have lost your temper with her a lot, right?”

With CC’s words, I felt even more ashamed. After a while, I said, “I know I’m not good enough for her, I have a bad temper, and I’m broke…”

“Do you think she’s a woman who cares about money?”

“It’s hard to say, after all, material conditions are becoming the only standard for women to measure men!”

“You’re talking nonsense! Am I not a woman? As long as Robben is willing to be with me, I’m happy to be a vagabond with him. If he has no money, I’ll support him for a lifetime!”

“You’re an exception, how many women do you know who smoke and drink like you?”

CC shook her head and said, “Zhao Yang, if you think like that, I’m really disappointed. You’re just a pseudo-idealist. Let me tell you: if Mi Cai really cared about those so-called material conditions, she could have those rich men and young masters lining up to pursue her in a minute.”

I felt like I was lacking in logical thinking at the moment, so I chose to remain silent.

CC also fell silent for a long time before saying, “Think about how to change yourself. No matter what, it’s hard to see the word ‘warmth’ in you, Zhao Yang. You’re like a wolf lost in the night, unable to find its way. Women may be attracted to your rebelliousness and individuality, but they’re afraid to get close to you because they don’t feel secure!”

I looked up at CC again, as if I understood Mi Cai’s emotions when facing me. I remembered how I presented myself in such a terrible state when we first met in that old house.

“So how should I change?”

CC thought for a moment and said, “Didn’t you have a woman in Xuzhou who almost became your fiancée? Think about what state you were in when you were with her.”

I recalled my mentality and details when I was with Li Xiaoyun, and after a while, I said to CC, “I want to work hard, then buy a house, buy a car, and then marry her and have children.”

“Exactly, replace Li Xiaoyun with Mi Cai, and maintain this mentality. Isn’t that the change you need to make?”

I muttered to myself, “I want to work hard for Mi Cai, I want to buy a house and a car for Mi Cai, I want to marry Mi Cai and let her bear my children…”

Suddenly, I couldn’t continue. I turned to CC for help and said, “CC, why does this feel so awkward? It’s like having a pipe dream after getting drunk.”

“Does it feel awkward?… Aren’t you always feeling inferior in front of her? Then work hard on your career, and when you reach a certain height, will you still feel awkward? Besides, what’s wrong with Mi Cai being your wife and bearing your children? Aren’t these things that women should do?”

I stared at the serious-looking CC for a long time before saying, “Let me digest this for a while.”

“Don’t digest it, it’s a very simple thing. Get rid of the dross on you, keep the essence, be a reliable and on-track man, and give Mi Cai a home. Otherwise, I really have to persuade Mi Cai to accept Wei Ran. He seems to be better than you in every way!”

“CC, don’t say that, I’m not that bad at heart!”

CC looked at me disdainfully and said, “I really don’t understand what those women see in you? You’re just a misfit. In terms of ideals, you’re not as thorough as Robben, and in terms of reality, you’re not as good as Circle and Xiang Chen. However, it’s not easy for you to survive in this gap!”

Once again, I was left speechless by CC’s words. But when I thought about starting a family with Mi Cai, it still didn’t feel real. After all, those deeply ingrained perceptions can’t be changed with a few words.

So CC asked me again with frustration, “Zhao Yang, tell me what you’re thinking right now?”

This time, I didn’t stay silent. Almost subconsciously, I replied, “Actually, I want to know more about what she’s thinking right now.””Just like you, she lacks self-confidence. She’s afraid that you won’t truly love her, she’s afraid to see you, yet also afraid not to see you… She’s different from you, her emotional life is a blank slate. She should be reckless, but she’s smarter and more rational than most women, which is why she gives you a sense of being hot and cold. But you should understand her, she’s a woman who can’t bear to be hurt again…”

“Does she… does she have romantic feelings for me?”

CC nodded approvingly, “Finally, you’ve asked the right question. She spent the afternoon at my restaurant today, we talked a lot. Actually, she went to America to get away from you for a while, to figure out what she really feels for you. She’s also afraid that her feelings for you are just a habit and dependence, not real romantic love.”

“What if she does love me? What if she doesn’t?”

“Let’s wait until she comes back to the country to discuss that, she probably doesn’t even have an answer right now!”

I fell silent again, and after smoking a cigarette, I asked CC, “One last question, what does she feel about Wei Ran? Why did she reject Wei Ran’s confession? She must have told you about this, right?”

CC nodded, “She wants to see Wei Ran, but she’s not afraid of seeing him. That’s the difference between him and you. But you need to understand, even though she’s afraid to see you, she still found various reasons to meet you. If that’s not love, then what is it?… Do you really think she wanted to leave her clothes in that old house? It was just an excuse to see you!… Ah, she’s so adorably foolish and it’s heartbreaking!”

I remained silent, but a strong impulse surged within me – I wanted to find Mi Cai…

“Zhao Yang, if Mi Cai does love you, it’s not a coincidence. After all, you have your merits. Firstly, you have a sense of justice, which is why you even sacrificed your career to help her. Moreover, even though you’re unreliable, you still have your own sense of responsibility. You’re a man of integrity, with a clear conscience… I really hope…”

I gradually couldn’t hear what CC was saying, and finally picked up the car keys from the table and ran outside.

CC shouted at me from behind, “Zhao Yang, where are you going?”

“I’m going to find her… right now!”