In the evening after work, Circle and I found a Chinese restaurant near the company. We ordered some simple dishes and sat facing each other.

After a while, the food was served. Circle picked up his chopsticks and started eating by himself. Seeing that I didn’t move my chopsticks, he said, “Aren’t you going to eat?”

“Aren’t we waiting for Yan Yan?” I asked in confusion.

“She went to Shanghai to see Jian Wei. It’s just the two of us for dinner today,” Circle said calmly.

“She went to see Jian Wei? You’re getting married in a few days. Can she leave?” I asked with some doubt.

Circle didn’t care and replied, “She just left after work. She’ll be back tomorrow morning. It won’t delay anything.” I nodded and started eating as well.

Circle put down his chopsticks and stared at me. After a moment, he asked, “Zhao Yang, how about having some drinks?”

“Not today.”

After a while, he looked at me and said, “You seem a bit depressed!” Then he looked at his watch and continued, “Yan Yan shouldn’t have gone far yet. Should I call her to turn back and pick you up? You can take this rare opportunity to see Jian Wei while you’re sober…”

I remained silent for a while and sighed, “Yan Yan really follows the dog!”

“What do you mean?” Circle asked, changing his sitting posture. He didn’t mind me indirectly insulting him.

“Both of you are heartless. I beg you not to comfort someone who wants to die until they actually die, okay?”

“Did I comfort you?” Circle asked innocently.

I was furious and said, “Can you still eat this meal? If not, get lost.”

My anger made Circle sigh. He shook his head and said, “You’re still the same. Every time something related to Jian Wei is mentioned, you change your attitude faster than turning a page. Can’t you get over her?”

Only then did I realize that Circle was just testing me. I didn’t know how to respond and fell into silence again.

Circle asked the waiter to bring two cans of Qing beer. He opened one and handed it to me, and he drank one himself. He deliberately changed the topic and asked me, “How’s it going with that model? I think she seems interested in you.”

“Stop it. At most, I’m just a toy for her when she’s bored.”

“A sex toy?”

“However you interpret it.” I said indifferently, then picked up the beer in front of me and took a big gulp.

Circle took a sip of his beer and asked again, “Honestly, have you not been attracted to any girl in these years since Jian Wei left? I feel like there must be someone who has caught your attention.”

“No, there isn’t.” I answered without hesitation.

Circle shook his head and said, “You don’t seem like a sentimental person. In fact, it’s your own indecisiveness these years. If you calm down and think about it, maybe there’s a girl who has been by your side all along, but you just haven’t noticed.”

“I’m indecisive?” I asked Circle in confusion.

Circle nodded seriously and made a guiding gesture, saying, “Take a sip of your drink and think about it. Right now, there must be something you’ll find.”

I was skeptical, but I followed Circle’s advice and took a sip of my drink. Then I let my thoughts wander and tried to recall all the girls who had been around me in these years. After a while, I realized that I hadn’t been attracted to anyone. I preferred to keep the memories of being with them confined to one night of passion.

I still remembered the mornings after each night of passion, when the sunlight fell on the bedsheet supported by our bodies. It didn’t give me a sense of security. I often wanted to put on my pants and run away, as if the dawn sunlight only revealed material poverty. I didn’t remember the excitement and ecstasy of the night.

“If there is?” Circle raised his beer and clinked it with mine, asking with concern.

I just shook my head, took another sip of beer, and didn’t feel like saying anything else. I didn’t want to think about any woman anymore.

But human thoughts are strange. When I didn’t want to think about it, suddenly the unrealistically beautiful face of my female landlord, Mi Cai, flashed in my mind.

I quickly denied it. It was an absurd idea. I had only been with Mi Cai for a few days. Even if she was as beautiful as Chang’e, I didn’t need to be attracted to her. My fantasies and impulses towards women had long died in the harsh years.

Circle was still waiting for my answer with anticipation, but I didn’t want to dwell on the meaningless word “attraction” anymore. I chose to continue my silence.

…

After finishing a can of beer, we continued eating. Unnoticed, the sky outside darkened, and the streetlights on both sides of the road painted the city under the night sky in the same way.

Circle and I each lit a cigarette and passed the time after dinner. We continued chatting, and as we chatted, Circle looked at the night outside and jokingly asked, “Zhao Yang, something seems off today. It’s already dark outside. How can you sit still? Don’t you need to find some fun?”

“Nowhere to go. I’ll go home and sleep later.”

Circle seemed shocked by my answer and exclaimed, “Who murdered your nights?”

I was taken aback by Circle’s question. Indeed, my drunken and dreamy nights had been killed by a woman who had just appeared in my life.I was not in a hurry to answer Circle’s question, but I urgently wanted him to help me analyze a question that had been bothering me for many days. I still couldn’t figure out why Mi Cai, who drove a luxury car, would live in that run-down house. I didn’t want to believe that this was a deliberate fate created by heaven. It was even a stretch to call it fate, because a few days ago, she threw my blanket away and then threw me into the wilderness. It seemed that there was no such tormenting fate in this world.

After a while, I said to Circle, “Let me tell you something fresh.”

“Is this fresh thing directly related to you not going out fooling around?”

I nodded and then selectively told Circle about the various things that happened between Mi Cai and me because of that house.

After listening, Circle looked at me with some skepticism, paused for a moment, and then asked, “Are you sure she, who drives a car worth hundreds of thousands, moved into your dilapidated house?”

“Of course I’m sure. Help me analyze, analyze. What is her motive?” I said seriously to Circle.

“It’s definitely not for money or to harm you.” Circle said disdainfully, glancing at me.

“I know I have no money and a miserable life, but now I’m really telling you something serious. Can you take it seriously?”

“Zhao Yang, we live in a very realistic world. Actually, you shouldn’t expect her to be repaying some debt from a past life in this life.”

I rubbed my chin and said seriously, “Don’t say that. Maybe there is a possibility. You know, I’ve done a lot of good things in my past life, maybe my female landlord was helped by me in her past life and now she’s repaying me.”

“Repaying you? Didn’t you say she tricked you into going to the intersection of the Shanghai-Nanjing Expressway in Suzhou and Wuxi in the middle of the night, freezing you with snot running down your nose? Is that how she’s repaying you?”

I pointed at Circle, speechless for a while, and then said, “You’re just a bad friend!”

Circle smiled, got up, patted my shoulder and said, “Zhao Yang, actually, it’s not a bad thing for a woman to divert your attention from Jian Wei…”

Before I could respond, he said again, “It’s almost 7:30. I have an appointment with the wedding planning company at 8. Let’s call it a day today.”

Watching Circle leave, I lit another cigarette in a daze. I always felt that I didn’t quite understand what he said. Why would Mi Cai’s appearance divert my attention from Jian Wei?

…

After leaving the restaurant, I bought a can of beer and walked home in the direction of the crowd, listening to the laughter and noise of others, thinking about my own troubles.

When I got home and opened the door, the house was pitch black. I turned on the living room light and looked around. The house was empty and cold. My female landlord, Mi Cai, seemed to have not come back yet.

Feeling bored, I sat on the sofa and turned on the TV. Without the drunken nights in nightclubs, the night seemed endlessly long. I couldn’t remember when was the last time I spent the evening like this, like a homebody, looking for entertainment in front of the TV… and feeling bored!

It was only 8:30, but I was tortured by boredom. I lit a cigarette, stared into space for a while, and after only ten minutes, I felt like dying. It turned out that a person’s night could be so difficult to endure!

I took out the guitar from the room and found a guitar score. I started practicing a song. If there was something I liked to do besides living a debauched life every night, it would probably be playing the guitar to pass the time.

After finishing a song and preparing to play the next one, there was finally some movement outside the house. Then the door opened, and I saw Mi Cai, carrying a handbag, looking stunning.

Although we had some conflicts, I was not a narrow-minded person, so I didn’t belittle her beauty. This woman seemed to be a masterpiece created by God in a moment of impulse.

I put down the guitar and asked with a smile, “Back?”

“Yeah,” Mi Cai replied and walked towards her room.

“Stop.” I said in a deep voice, with a serious face, trying to play a prank on her out of boredom, not willing to be lonely alone.

Mi Cai turned around and looked at me. “Is there something?”

I looked at Mi Cai and became more and more puzzled about how this woman could be so beautiful. Then I blurted out without thinking, “How come you’re so beautiful? Are you some kind of monster?”

Mi Cai frowned slightly and coldly said, “Please don’t make me feel like I’m inviting trouble. Okay?”

I immediately stood up, pretending to be excited, and said, “Miss, are you mistaken? I moved in here first. Your talk of inviting trouble is a bit inappropriate, isn’t it?”

Mi Cai ignored my claim of being the first to move in and still spoke in a cold tone, “If you think I’m a monster, you can move out anytime. I won’t mind.”

“Why should I move? This house was originally mine. You’re just a new tenant. Besides, you agreed to live here, and I’ve kept my promise. So, don’t mention moving out to me in the future.” I stood up from the sofa to show my excitement.

“I’m your new tenant?” Mi Cai’s tone was clearly displeased.

But I didn’t care about her displeasure and said, “Yes, from today on, you should consider yourself a female tenant in front of me. In this house, whoever has more experience is the landlord.””Don’t you find yourself boring? Besides, I need to remind you, there’s no need to misrepresent things, forcing the title of ‘female tenant’ onto me. I only agreed to stay here for a month. You’ll soon be leaving here forever, carrying the identity of a tenant,” Mi Cai said, looking at me with an expression of fearless confidence.

“What’s wrong with a month? Even if I’m only a landlord for a month, I’m happy!” I retorted stubbornly, but my mood sank at Mi Cai’s words, “leaving here forever.”

Mi Cai didn’t want to argue with me anymore. After saying “Who cares about you,” she turned and walked towards her room.

……

In the living room by myself, I took out a cigarette and lit it. As I inhaled and exhaled the smoke, I found it amusing that I had fought so hard to become a landlord through shameless means.

The smoke I exhaled drifted towards the window under the light, captivating me. A gust of wind from somewhere blew me back to reality. In this seemingly borrowed wind, I suddenly saw the vague silhouette of Jian Wei. I suddenly remembered: in three days, we will meet at Circle and Yan Yan’s wedding. I have a premonition that the next three days might be harder to endure than the three years of separation…

To this day, I still can’t understand. We spent the best years of our lives nurturing a love for four years, why couldn’t we end it well? Even if we broke up, at least give me a reason, but…

I closed my eyes, the smoke continuously emanating from my fingertips made me feel like shedding tears!