The anklet, still warm from Jian Wei’s touch, quickly lost its heat in my hand. I felt as if I had given her a false hope. According to the original script, this New Year’s Eve should not have been spent like this.

I put the anklet back into my pocket, turned around, and saw Mi Cai still standing where she had been. The cold wind made her hair flutter. On this freezing night, she looked so fragile.

I walked towards her with heavy steps, not thinking that she would mind the scene just now. After all, we had never started anything, so there wouldn’t be any burdens that only lovers would have.

I came to Mi Cai, smiled at her, and then said, “It’s so cold, why are you standing outside?”

“The wind from the sky, no matter how cold, only chills the body. The wind blown by people, however, chills the heart…”

I was still lost in the daze of the moment, and after a while, I asked Mi Cai, “How should I interpret that?”

“Interpret it however you want. But we should go in now. Many customers are waiting to have a few drinks with you, the bar owner. I came out to call you.”

“Oh.”

I responded, and Mi Cai had already lowered her head and started walking towards the bar.

I watched her back, then looked up at the sky. The fireworks exploding continuously in the air obstructed my view, so my gaze stayed on the dazzling display. I felt a bit dizzy, and in the dizziness, I felt the bone-chilling cold brought by the wind.

I tucked in my clothes and lit a cigarette for myself. Perhaps I wouldn’t be able to wait for the spring breeze tonight. My heart seemed to be trapped in this cold winter by an inexplicable force, and time couldn’t take me into the spring, even though spring was just around the corner.

……

That night, I got drunk as a skunk and didn’t even know how I got back to my place until I woke up the next morning to the sound of firecrackers.

I sat on the bed for a long time before I remembered that I should go back to Xuzhou today to wish Mr. Ban and my mother a happy new year. I think they are waiting for me and Mi Cai.

I immediately got up and put on my clothes, didn’t go to the bathroom to wash up, and went straight to knock on Mi Cai’s door, saying as I knocked, “Happy New Year… Happy New Year, are you up yet?”

There was no response for a long time. I then tried to turn the doorknob, only to find it locked. A bad feeling rose in my heart. I hurriedly searched for the key to the door and opened it, only to be stunned.

Mi Cai was nowhere to be seen in the room, but the bed was neatly made. This meant that Mi Cai was not in the room at the moment, and she might have left after bringing me back last night.

It was then that I understood what she meant by “The wind from the sky, no matter how cold, only chills the body. The wind blown by people, however, chills the heart…”

I also understood that my entanglement with Jian Wei had hurt her sensitivity, so she chose to avoid me on the first day of the New Year.

But where did she go?

I returned to my room with a bit of disappointment, intending to call Mi Cai, but unexpectedly found a note under the phone on the cabinet.

I immediately pulled out the note, and as expected, it was left by Mi Cai.

“Zhao Yang, I’m going to my uncle’s house for the New Year… Happy New Year to you, and please wish your parents a Happy New Year for me.”

Looking at the smiley face added after the text, I felt as if my heart had been pierced in an instant, and the belated pain overwhelmed me.

I understood: her pride wouldn’t allow a grain of sand in her eyes, her lack of security made her sensitive and suspicious, so like me, she had always isolated herself from love with a self-imposed wall. She longed to be close to me, but was afraid to approach an impure me.

So my long-standing worries and inferiority were not unfounded… All my pain came from the fact that I liked her, but I was not the man she needed most in her heart.

I folded the note and put it in the cabinet, lit a cigarette for myself early in the morning, and half lay on the bed smoking, but didn’t want to explain anything to Mi Cai, because she didn’t question me about anything.

Besides, what’s the point of a love that comes from constant explanation?

At that moment, I suddenly didn’t want to have any expectations of Mi Cai anymore. I’d rather keep the tacit understanding with her, forget the previous ambiguity, and just be ordinary friends.

After making this decision, I felt as if I had lost a heavy burden. I immediately put out the cigarette in my hand, then opened WeChat and replied to her, “Happy New Year to you too… Let’s get in touch after I get back to Suzhou!”

After sending the message, I put my phone in my pocket, then quickly packed a suitcase and drove my Alto on the road back to Xuzhou.

On the long journey, I felt somewhat lonely, with some regrets in my heart, but also grateful. Grateful that the incident with Jian Wei last night had sounded a warning bell for me and made me see myself more clearly.

What right did I have to tarnish Mi Cai’s purity with a messy past and a body that had been with many women?

If there was a crystal clear city in my heart, then Mi Cai must have one too, but I was not qualified to be the man in her city.

If I really liked her, I should guard her silently with self-awareness until she met the man who should spend the rest of her life with her.

……

It wasn’t until 2 o’clock in the afternoon that I returned to the long-lost city of Xuzhou. Standing at the door of my house, I was a bit embarrassed to ring the doorbell. After all, I had told Mr. Ban that I would bring Mi Cai back, but now I had broken my promise to him. He must be disappointed.

I stood there for a full minute before I rang the doorbell. My mother opened the door. She looked left and right and asked, “Zhao Yang, didn’t your father say you were going to bring a reliable girl home for me to see? Where is she?”

I hugged her with a laugh and said, “Mom, Happy New Year!… I’ve missed you!”Mom pushed me away, ultimately not losing her temper with me, and said helplessly, “You… you’ve been in Suzhou for so long, but you haven’t become any more reliable!”

“Yeah, that’s why I can’t find a reliable girl.”

Mom sighed, “Ah… there’s nothing I can do with you. Come inside first, I’ll heat up some food for you.”

Entering the house, Mr. Ban was sitting on the sofa, watching last night’s “Spring Festival Gala”. Seeing me return, he subconsciously looked behind me, then put down the remote control and asked, “Where’s Mi Cai? Didn’t she say she was coming back with you?”

I still laughed, saying, “Yeah, but she went to her uncle’s house for the New Year at the last minute… uh… it’s pretty good, after all, she has her family with her, which is much better than coming to Xuzhou for the New Year!”

My deliberate explanation made Mr. Ban frown. He, who was always taciturn, looked even more disappointed than mom when he heard the news. This made me realize: ever since I had a relationship with Li Xiaoyun, mom had been indifferent to other girls, but Mr. Ban had always approved of Mi Cai. Perhaps they had a disagreement on this point, but this disagreement put even more pressure on me, because it seemed that neither Li Xiaoyun nor Mi Cai were likely to be with me.

Apart from my love life, the most urgent matter I should think about might be how to redeem that guitar and then return it to Jian Wei.