I fell into deep thought, and then the meticulous and gentle moments with Li Xiaoyun began to emerge in my mind. I understood that I had some attachment to her, but was it love?

I remembered CC’s previous evaluation of me. She said that in terms of ideals, I was not as thorough as Robben, and in terms of reality, I was not comparable to Circle and Xiang Chen.

At this moment, her evaluation seemed so accurate. If I had Robben’s persistence in ideals, I would abandon all distractions and pursue the woman with long hair over her shoulders. If I had Circle’s understanding and compromise with reality, I would choose Li Xiaoyun and live a steady life.

But unfortunately, I didn’t fit into either side, which meant that I was always indecisive when facing emotions…

Finally, I said to my mother who had been waiting for my answer, “Mom, you don’t need to worry about me and Xiaoyun anymore. Even if we reluctantly get together, we can’t guarantee that we will get married smoothly. If something goes wrong later, wouldn’t it hurt Xiaoyun even more?”

“You’re just a jerk. In the end, you don’t have the feelings between boyfriends and girlfriends for Xiaoyun, otherwise you wouldn’t hurt her like this.”

I remained silent. In fact, what my mother said was right, but not entirely right. However, I didn’t know how to explain it to her.

“Zhao Yang, I’ve said what I should say and what I shouldn’t. I hope that when you regret it in the future, don’t blame me, your parent, for not reminding you.”

“Mom, don’t say that, okay? It sounds like you’re going to give up on me…”

“Enough, Zhao Yang… Either you bring back a girlfriend who is more reliable than Xiaoyun for me to see, or you take care of yourself!”

“Mom, don’t hang up in a hurry, I still want to chat with you…”

Before I could finish my sentence, my mother had already hung up the phone. I was stunned for a while, then sent her a message: “Mom… Do you still want me to come back for the New Year?”

“Come back when you find a girl who is more reliable than Xiaoyun.”

I gave a bitter smile helplessly, holding the phone in my hand for a long time. Then I looked up at the dazzling sunlight, not even knowing what to think about at this moment. So I lay down on the bench, covering the sunlight with one hand and the wind with the other, intending to take a nap until evening.

…

I don’t know how long I slept, but I felt someone pushing me. I woke up in a daze and found it was Wei Xiao, the chubby boy.

He said to me joyfully, “Brother, I’ve been waiting for you in the square for several days, and finally I found you!”

“Do you need something from me?” I asked, lighting a cigarette.

Wei Xiao nodded heavily.

“Didn’t I leave you my phone number?”

“I lost it.”

I took out a pen and paper from my bag and wrote down my number for him, then asked, “What’s up?”

Wei Xiao, with a smile on his face, took out two hundred yuan bills from his pocket and said to me, “Yesterday a sister gave my grandpa a lot of money, saying it was for the baskets he made. Then grandpa gave me money and asked me to treat you and the referee sister to KFC!”

I understood that the sister who gave money in Wei Xiao’s mouth should be a staff member of Zhuomei, but I felt somewhat sentimental. At this moment, Mi Cai was already far away from us in the sky.

I smiled and said to Wei Xiao, “Your referee sister has left. She doesn’t like to play with us anymore.”

Wei Xiao immediately lowered his head, and after a while, he said, “But I really want to treat her to KFC. Why don’t you call her, brother? You both have phones.”

I took a deep breath of smoke, looked up at the sky against the sunlight, and after a while, I pointed to the sky and said to Wei Xiao, “She’s on the plane, and the phone can’t reach her.”

Wei Xiao was about to cry. I patted his shoulder and comforted him, “If she doesn’t like to play with us, we won’t play with her either. Just the two of us will eat, and we will eat happily and fully!”

“Okay, then, just the two of us will go. We can eat a lot!”

Wei Xiao is still a child after all, so Mi Cai’s departure won’t affect him too much. But what about me? I said I didn’t miss her, but deep down, I probably did.

But I still nodded and smiled, “You’re right. One more of her is too many, one less of her is not less. Let’s go to KFC.”

Wei Xiao jumped up high, then tiptoed in a very funny posture, and walked towards KFC with me arm in arm.

…

Inside KFC, Wei Xiao and I each ordered a family bucket, and we boredly competed to see who could finish first. As a result, I, who had no appetite, was completely defeated by Wei Xiao. As compensation for losing, I bought another family bucket for him. He said he would take this family bucket back to his grandpa… Then we parted ways.Watching Wei Xiao leave at a speed akin to a gust of wind, clutching a family bucket of KFC, I couldn’t help but wonder: what is happiness, really?

For Wei Xiao, perhaps it’s as simple as enjoying a meal at KFC and sharing it with his grandfather.

Sigh… Such a pure and beautiful form of happiness. Yet why can’t I find happiness in the same way? Perhaps I want too much, or maybe I’ve lost my childhood innocence, or perhaps I’m just not old enough…

After leaving KFC, I headed to the bar. Companies in Suzhou had started their annual leave, so the newly opened bar was experiencing a lull in business. Despite this, the occupancy rate was still 50% tonight, a significant improvement from before the renovation.

I found a corner, took out my tablet, and started browsing the Weibo posts that customers had shared about the bar, assessing the effectiveness of the Weibo sharing campaign.

After a while, CC, who had just finished her performance, came over and sat next to me. She asked with concern, “Zhao Yang, where are you planning to spend the New Year?”

I was reminded of my mother’s words about bringing home a girl more reliable than Li Xiaoyun for the New Year. I hesitated before replying, “I haven’t decided yet.”

“Why don’t we go to Beijing and find Big Star and Robben?”

I immediately retorted, “My parents aren’t spending the New Year in Hong Kong.”

CC pinched my waist angrily, “Are you always this annoying? You always have to tease me. You make it sound like your parents treasure you so much!”

“Hey, you’re right. My parents do treasure me. They’ve already prepared dumplings and buns stuffed with meat for me.”

CC rolled her eyes and said, “Fine, since your parents treasure you so much, I won’t persuade you to go to Beijing.”

I forced a smile and nodded. In reality, I had no idea where to spend the New Year. Of course, I could shamelessly go home, but if my mother was really angry with me, wouldn’t that just ruin the New Year for her? So I decided to wait. Maybe Mr. Ban would call and invite me to spend the New Year with him. With Mr. Ban’s support, things would be much easier.

CC added, “I’m leaving on a flight tomorrow morning. You should close the bar the day after tomorrow and go home to spend time with your parents.”

I shook my head and said, “There’s still more than a week until the New Year. It’s too early to close now. Besides, our bartenders and some of the waitstaff are from out of town. They haven’t bought their tickets home yet. Keeping the bar open gives them a place to stay and earn money.”

“Alright, then you’ll have to work hard these days.”

I nodded to indicate it was no problem, then said to CC, “You have a flight tomorrow morning. You should go home and rest early tonight.”

CC gently patted my shoulder, said “See you next year,” picked up her handbag, and left the bar.

I checked the time. It was already ten o’clock at night. I could leave now since the bar had hired a dedicated manager, and I didn’t need to stay there during business hours.

I thought about going to sit by the city moat. After my friends had left one by one, I felt somewhat lonely. The city moat was a place to alleviate loneliness. There, I could smoke a cigarette, watch the rippling water, and forget many things…