Chapter 95 – Return to Suzhou


Five days had passed in a blink of an eye, and I had finally completed the handover of my work. This was my last night in Xuzhou. I wanted to go home and say goodbye to Mr. Ban and my mother, but I couldn’t find the courage or reason to do so. At this moment, they were still angry with me. Going back would only add to their distress and wouldn’t help the situation. So, I was still holed up alone in a small motel, drinking beer, tasting emptiness and loneliness.

As I drank, I became dazed. In my daze, I saw the guitar standing in the corner. This guitar was clearly a gift from Jian Wei, but the first thing that came to my mind was: not long ago, I had used this guitar to sing “The Proverbs of Love” for Mi Cai. She cried uncontrollably, and I held her in my arms.

Thinking of Mi Cai, thinking of the numerous arguments we had over that room, I finally managed a smile. I didn’t know what kind of intersection we would have when I returned to Suzhou. I remember she once told me that if I returned, she would be willing to let me live in that old house. I hope she still remembers her promise and fulfills it.

I lay on the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. After an unknown period, my phone rang. I thought it was a call, but it was just a text message. The sender was none other than Li Xiaoyun. She said she was waiting for me at the coffee shop where we first met, and emphasized that I didn’t have to go.

I felt guilty towards Li Xiaoyun, so without much thought, I put on my coat and headed for the coffee shop where we first met.

When I arrived at the coffee shop, everything was as it was when we first met. I looked around and saw Li Xiaoyun sitting in the same spot as before. But I couldn’t muster a smile anymore, I just walked towards her with a heavy heart filled with guilt.

I sat down across from Li Xiaoyun and looked at her. Her face was haggard.

In my silence, Li Xiaoyun finally spoke, “I heard from Director Zhou that you’ve completed all your work handover today.”

“Yes.”

Li Xiaoyun’s face showed pain. After a long silence, she asked, “You’re leaving Xuzhou tomorrow, aren’t you?”

I nodded, “The train is at 2 p.m. tomorrow.”

Li Xiaoyun stopped looking at me and stared blankly at the withered leaves being swept up by the cold wind outside the window…

After a long time, Li Xiaoyun said softly, “I heard that every time there’s a farewell, a star falls. But… even if it falls, it will turn into a brilliant meteor for a moment, right?”

I knew Li Xiaoyun was comparing herself to that falling star, but I didn’t know how she planned to shine in this moment of farewell.

Li Xiaoyun finally looked at me, her face complex, “Zhao Yang, tell me honestly, what kind of woman is worth you abandoning our relationship that was heading towards marriage? I want to understand, so I can live my life.”

It was hard for me to define my relationship with Le Yao, so I just said, “Friend, a friend in adversity.”

“Is that all? Nothing else happened between you two?” Li Xiaoyun questioned.

Under Li Xiaoyun’s questioning, I finally confessed, “Yes, during the most decadent days of my life, we slept together, but we didn’t have a romantic relationship.”

“I can’t understand, but our relationship is over, and I don’t want to pursue anything anymore. I just wanted an answer, and now you’ve given it to me!” Li Xiaoyun said blankly.

“I’m sorry, Xiaoyun…”

“There’s no such thing as sorry in a relationship. Being together or breaking up is our own choice. The only ones you should apologize to are our parents. We’ve let them down.”

Li Xiaoyun was right, but I couldn’t make up for anything, so I remained silent…

In my silence, Li Xiaoyun unexpectedly asked, “Zhao Yang, do you remember the first time we met, you borrowed money from me?”

“Yes.”

“Shouldn’t two people who are about to part ways settle their debts?”

“They should.”

“Good, now I want to borrow a thousand yuan from you.”

Without thinking, I said, “No problem.” I took out 1000 yuan from my wallet and handed it to Li Xiaoyun.

Li Xiaoyun took the money from my hand, smiled at me and said, “But I won’t pay you back.”

I was puzzled by Li Xiaoyun’s action. Didn’t she say we should settle our debts? Why didn’t she plan to pay me back?

But sometimes a woman’s heart is as deep as the sea. Despite my pondering, I couldn’t figure out her purpose.

Li Xiaoyun didn’t explain, she just put the money in her wallet and got up to leave.

“Xiaoyun, you just said that even a falling star will shine for a moment. How do you want to shine? I’m willing to give it to you.” I finally asked the retreating figure of Li Xiaoyun.

“Zhao Yang, I don’t want any compensation from you… You should know, not every falling star’s brilliance is seen… As long as I know that I’ve shone once, that’s enough… Take care!” Li Xiaoyun choked out, then left the coffee shop without looking back. Through the floor-to-ceiling window, I saw her walking among the crowd on the street, soon swallowed by the neon lights. I couldn’t see her anymore, and a relationship that was once fervently heading towards marriage ended in the shadows of the neon lights…

With a heavy sigh, I felt a bit reluctant, but even more painful!

…The next day, I boarded the 2 p.m. train to Suzhou. No one saw me off, and I didn’t say goodbye to anyone. This seemingly simple departure made my days in Xuzhou feel like a mere journey. I was just a transient visitor who, without realizing, had thrown a stone into a river, causing a beautiful mistake with a “splash”. I think I will remember this beautiful mistake for a long, long time!

Finally, I arrived in Suzhou at half past eight in the evening. When my feet left the train and stepped onto this land that I had been familiar with for a long time, my emotions were mixed. Perhaps my fate had truly taken root in this wounded city. After a dream, I eventually returned. As for what the future holds, I have no idea. But I hope that in this city that has left me scarred, I can also find traces of happiness.

I hailed a taxi and headed straight to CC’s restaurant in the deserted city. Because here, there were people I missed and music I longed for. Don’t get me wrong, the person I missed was only CC.

As I opened the door to the restaurant, CC was still in her usual pose, holding a cigarette in her hand, a beer by her side, quietly singing her favorite song.

I put down my luggage and gave her a habitual thumbs up. For the first time, CC didn’t finish a song and handed the microphone to the band behind her and walked towards me.

“Hi, Zhao Yang, long time no see!”

“Yeah, it’s been over two months.”

CC opened her arms, and I hugged her. She whispered in my ear, “Almost three months… By the way, you’re a bit late. Mi Cai just left after having dinner here.”


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